Captive of Mind and Soul
by AnimeYaoiFangirl100
Summary: Matt's life has gone from bad to worse when he meets a raven haired male that seems sincere. He had wanted to think of the older man as a friend, but why was all his information locked when Matt tried to look him up? Why does he remind him of Mello?
1. Part I

**So, welcome to Captive of Mind and Soul! You may ask why my titles always seen to be so long, and the answer is very simple. To make you _think _on it of course! There's a brainteaser for you! **

**Also, I think this is relevant so you should know it, as I write this author's note I am saying everything that I type in a British accent and I am sure that my mother is giving me odd looks.**

**Now, onto this wonderful 5-part story! It was originally going to be a 3-shot but then it turned out, way too long. So, this is now an actual story and it is already up on dA.**

**I told a very select individual that I was going to have the next chapter of Selfless up this weekend, and I don't want to be blunt, but to put it simply: I lied. I was working on this instead! **

**But I promise, if you are reading this you know who you are, I will get it up this week, possibly even the chapter after that! Forgive me! **

**Because this has 2 lemons.**

**This is all out of Matt's POV, and it does not switch at all. First person, Matt's pov. Get that straight. Thank you~ **

**Now, onto the tale~ **

* * *

><p>I sighed as I walked down the sidewalk to the small convenient store that was a couple blocks away from our apartment. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I really didn't want to leave our little home in all reality, but Mello had ordered it. As his dog I must obey.<p>

I took a small puff from the cigarette that had been in my hand before pinching out the light, and then tossing it away as I walked into the store. I grabbed a cart, I would definitely need one if Mello was out of chocolate, which he was. Not only did he need chocolate, but we also needed some other essentials. I should count myself lucky that I knew what brand he liked, or else it would take me forever to find the exact kind because of all the types in the store.

It was called "small" by some of the other people that live close to it, and the owners, but, in all truthfulness, it was not small _at all_. It was actually huge on the inside, compared to how small it looked on the outside. It held tons of items in it. Everything from food to office materials: they had it all.

As I made my way to the chocolate aisle I let my mind stray to thoughts of my best friend. The blonde haired, leather clad male that had a very bad temper, and was always breaking things; more importantly _my_ things. So, why did I put up with him? I wasn't exactly sure. No, that's a lie. I know perfectly well why, I just didn't want to admit it.

I was in love with him.

Whether it was wrong or not, I was. It's not like it really mattered, though. What I wanted I wasn't going to get. I never got what I wanted, unless it was in the game-verse, where I spent most of my time. It wasn't like Mello was going to magically turn from being straight to being gay, and definitely not for someone like me.

I stopped in front of the chocolate that he liked and started to just randomly throw bars into the cart. He would need a lot of them in order for them to last a while. As I did this I let my mind wonder back again into the realm of my depressing, taboo thoughts.

I was the least bit attractive, so nobody should like me, even though girls seem to like me. Yet again, not like I cared. I was gay, not straight. Those girls can look all they want as long as they don't touch me. Seriously, though, nobody should find me attractive in any way, shape, or form.

I was as skinny as a twig for one thing. Not many people like their significant other to look anorexic. Then my skin was pale enough to rival a ghost, a result from staying inside so much. I never liked the outside so I never went out unless I had to. Not to mention my _hair_. It was as red as an apple for god sakes! Then my eyes were just plain ugly.

Not only were my looks against me, but Mello was, well, Mello. My best friend. My very male, very straight, very best _friend_. He's never acted like he was interested in anyone, and if I didn't know better, I would say that he was asexual. I knew that he wasn't though. I knew for a fact that he was straight because when we were at Wammys he went out with this blonde girl named Emma for a few months.

I shook my head to clear it of the troublesome thoughts that I was having. If it wasn't going to ever happen, I should just stop thinking about it and get on with life. Which, still involved Mello. I sighed again as I left the aisle with the bottom of the cart filled with bars of chocolate. _Now to get the other stuff._ I thought as I walked through the food aisles to get what we needed. I just wanted to hurry and get home, or else Mello would be even more pissed and break another one of my games. I would really rather that not happen.

I walked out of the store carrying four bags. Two of which were filled with chocolate and the other two were easy to fix foods. It's not like either of us had that much time to make anything. He had me on surveillance so I couldn't do it, and with him gone to his little mafia idiots almost all day he couldn't. Not to mention he was always too busy bitching and moaning about something when he got to the apartment, or shooting something...

_I knew that I should have brought my car._ I thought with some regret. I normally wasn't the type to exercise or anything like that, but I had to. Well, hypothetically speaking. It was nice enough out that I didn't have to take my car to stay warm, and I wanted to take my time. I might love my car to death, but sometimes I needed a change of pace.

Besides, the car would only have made it easier for me to carry stuff, and it wasn't like the bags were that heavy. Of course there was a lot of chocolate and there were cigarettes along with other stuff, but it wasn't that heavy. Five pounds at the most - if that much.

I moved the bags slightly so that I was balancing all of them on my right arm as I got out my cigarettes and took the last one from the pack before lighting it. After I had placed my lighter back in my vest pocket, and, after I had made sure that the bags would be fine during the trek to the place I had to call home I transferred the original two bags onto my left arm so that they were balanced..

As I was walking I couldn't help but foresee the future. Either Mello was going to shoot at me, or threaten to shoot me.

* * *

><p>"You lazy ass! Where is my chocolate!" The blonde yelled not even a second after I had walked through the door. I rolled my eyes, knowing that he couldn't see it from behind my goggles.<p>

"It is right here, Mello." I sighed as I walked into the small excuse for a kitchen that we had. As soon as I set all the bags down I grabbed one of the chocolate bars and tossed one towards the blonde in the doorway.

"You," He frowned at me, "are late."

"You didn't give me a time to be back." I replied quietly, like I normally did. I wasn't that talkative. I guess I should be glad that he hasn't shot at me yet. "You just told me to go get your chocolate."

_BANG_

_I spoke to soon, I guess._ I mused in my head as he glared at me. His ice blue eyes were threatening, but just as attractive... _Dammit thoughts! Shut up! _I groaned in my head. I wasn't going to be having those thoughts again. I looked back at the mafia boss evenly, not wincing at how cold his eyes really looked. I had to admit that, sadly, I was used to his moods.

"If I remember correctly I told you this over an hour ago! You're just now getting back. You should have been here a while ago!" He growled as I looked over my shoulder at the bullet hole that was now in the wall right next the fridge. At least we didn't have neighbors. The only other people that lived in this complex were junkies, they wouldn't care. Besides, they were all on the lower levels of the complex.

"Sorry." I said as I started putting the things that I just bought were they belonged. It wasn't that I was this docile out of the kindness of my heart, I was more the type to fight people when they tried to tell me what to do, but Mello was different. I couldn't explain it, but I always wanted to follow him. Something made me follow him, even when we were kids: something told me that it was what I needed to do.

"It better not happen again." He said stiffly. I probably got him even more pissed off. I mentally rolled my eyes because as close as he was to me now he would have seen if I had physically rolled them. Then I really would have been in deep shit. "Now, it's your turn to keep watch."

"I'm always the one to keep watch." I muttered as I made my way passed him and into the other room. It was true, I was always on surveillance duty.

"That's because I am busy, and you don't have a job." Mello snapped and I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I freely rolled my eyes. How did he think we had enough money for things? Yeah, sure he gets money from the mafia to pay for our apartment, but how does he think I pay for his chocolate and my cigarettes? I actually did have a job, it might as well have been just as illegal as Mello's. He didn't really need to know that, though.

I kept my eyes glued to the screen as I watched it. He was having me watch some of the territory that his gang controlled, which I truthfully didn't see why he was having me do it. If he wanted it done, he could have one of his crones do it. It's not like I was apart of his precious mafia.

"That's what you think." I muttered. I had thought that it was low enough that he couldn't hear it, but I must not have realized how good his hearing was because he heard it, and I felt the Nintendo that I had recently taken out of my jacket ripped from my hands.

"What was that?" He hissed as I looked up into those blazing eyes of his.

"Nothing." I said and went to grab the device from him when he threw it as hard as he could at the wall, making it break. I flinched as I heard the sound that it made as it hit the wall. I would have to get a new one.

"It wasn't nothing. What did you say?"

"It wasn't anything important." I told him quickly, but at the same time quietly. It was something that I always have done. I used to rarely do it with Mello, but now, it seemed like I did it to him all the time.

"Tell me." I just shook my head and then I squeezed my eyes shut when he picked up one of my games for my X-box and tossed it at the wall. I knew he had broke it too, and I was about half-way done with that game. I half-heartedly glared at him when I opened my eyes, knowing that he couldn't see it. Even if he did it would have made him even angrier. I didn't even know why he was angry this time.

"I said that it wasn't anything important, and it's not." I said again, trying to calm him slightly, which I knew wouldn't work. It used to, but it doesn't anymore.

"Just tell me the truth, Mail." I stiffened at the use of my real name. Mello only used it when he was serious, and it either pissed me off of made me feel special. This time it was the former of the two.

"I said, "That's what you think." Because it's true, Mello. You wouldn't even know if I had a job, or not. You just assume things." I said, raising my voice. "You wouldn't know what I did all day because you are never here, and when you are you are either sleeping, calling your contacts, or too busy being bitchy because of some stupid reason. You think you know everything, Mello, but you don't."

I didn't even bother to look at him to see the look of shock on his face that I knew was there. I rarely ever spoke up against him, and when I did I normally didn't say that much about things. Normally I would call him a bitch or something. Not tonight. He just couldn't keep from going too far with things. No matter how much I cared for him, there was only a limit to what I could take: what I would take.

I stood up and walked over to where I had put my boxes of cigarettes, and got a new pack before fishing the lighter out of my vest that I had carelessly thrown around the back of a chair. Without even thinking about what I was doing I walked towards the door without even putting my vest on and when I opened the door I looked back at the blonde who was looking at me. His eyes said something that I couldn't read, not that I really wanted to.

"Watch your own damn cameras." I threw at him before walking out and closing the door forcefully behind me.

* * *

><p>I was angry, no, I was beyond furious. I should have been mad at Mello, but no. My feelings stopped me from being that angry at him, forcing the rest of the anger at myself.<p>

I shouldn't have said anything. I knew that I was going to get burned, but that didn't stop me from playing with fire.

I guess I had guessed this was going to happen sooner or later. It was long over-due for him to break one of my games.

I didn't dare to take my anger out on the blonde, even if I had wanted to. It would have made him even more angry and make him break even more of my games.

So, here I was, walking down the street for the second time today. Not only did I need some new games, but I also needed to cool down before going back home. Though, I was almost positive I was going to get yelled at when I got back.

As soon as I walked into the GameStop I went straight to the fighting games. I needed to get another Modern Warfare 3 game as well as a new Nintendo. I already knew where everything in the store was at, I kinda needed to when I was living with the temperamental blonde. Let's just say, even for a gaming master, I was still here a lot.

After I had grabbed the two things that Mello had just broke I grabbed some other games that I thought looked interesting and that I didn't have yet. I needed something to keep my mind away from the stress, and what's less stressful than killing things in games? _Besides, he probably already broke some of my other games. _The thought made me sad because I had never broken anything that belonged to him and I never would. I knew it was Mello, and I was choosing to live with it.

I forced the thoughts of Mello out of my head as I went up to the counter with my games to see another male, most likely older than I was. I looked at him from out of the corner of my eye as I paid for my things. I handed the cashier the money and then when I went to turn around the guy was right beside me.

"Oh, um, sorry." I said, making sure not to run into him like I almost did.

"It's fine." He said. Then he looked at me closely. "Do I know you? You look familiar."

"I don't believe so. I'm sure that I would remember you." I replied as I took the mans appearance in. The man looked to be in his early to mid twenties if not younger, and his bright amber eyes went together with his pitch black hair in an eerily perfect manner.

"Just because we don't know each other doesn't mean that we haven't seen each other before." The man said. Then he blinked, some of his black hair falling in his face. "Where are my manners? I'm Lance." He added as he held out a hand to me.

"Matt." I replied cautiously as I took his hand. He seemed harmless enough, and I doubted that he would ever find out who I was. As long as he wasn't a cop I would be fine.

"Nice to meet you, Matt." He nodded as he withdrew his hand.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" I asked. I might not have worked here, but I could tell him where to find something.

"Oh, uh, no." He said. "The owner is a close family friend, so I thought that I would stop by to say a quick 'hey', but I guess he isn't here."

"I heard that he was sick." I told him. Of course I knew this, I heard it last time I was here, which happened to be a few weeks ago. It was a while ago considering I was used to being here every other week to get new games.

"What a shame." Lance sighed. "It's been a while since I talked with him, and I thought now would be the best time as any."

"Yeah." I muttered.. "Well, it was nice talking with you, Lance, but I can't any longer. I told my friend that I would be back soon." _Lie. I didn't tell him that! _My mind was scolding me. I knew that I should have told Mello when I would be back, but I had been too angry to care. I also knew that I shouldn't lie to people that much unless there was a reason. I just didn't want to admit the truth to myself.

I just wanted to go back to my blonde best friend, and live life the way that it used to be like. A part of me did, at least. The other part was telling me that I didn't want to go back to that ignorant bastard.

"Really? Damn, I wanted to ask you to get some coffee with me." The raven said, his eyes flashing with something that I didn't understand. My mind was frozen. _Coffee?_

"Er, why?" I asked meekly. I was baffled to say the least. I almost ran into him, told him that I had to go, and he wanted to get _coffee_. Nobody ever wanted to do anything with me, especially with that. I would even go so far as to say that everyone wanted to avoid me.

"Because, you seem interesting." _The fuck? He just met me and deemed me interesting. Wonderful. _

"Um..."

"You don't have to, and it's not a date." He said. "It's just called strangers getting together and getting to know each other. What do you say?"

"I still think that I shouldn't..."

"You know, you seem stressed. I heard that talking over coffee helps with that." I looked out the window to see that it was still fairly light out. It was 4 in the afternoon at the latest. I sighed in defeat.

"Fine." _Besides,_ I added silently, _I doubt it will kill me. This guy seems okay and easy to get along with so far._

"Good. I knew that you would see it my way." He smiled. "My car is a closer to Starbucks so I guess we can walk there, k?"

"Yeah." I agreed. I was doing too much walking today, more than normal, and my muscles were starting to complain about it, but I would be able to sit once we got our coffee. Who would have known that I would get asked out for coffee by some random guy in a gaming store? "Just, don't try anything."

"Don't worry." He laughed as we walked out of the store, me making sure not to forget my bag by holding onto it tightly. "I already told you that this wasn't a date, I'm not that easy!" He glanced at me. "Besides I know better to take something that belongs to someone else."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you're attractive, but I wouldn't want to take someone else's' man." He winked at me, causing me to look away from him quickly. Like anyone would ever want anything to do with me.

"I don't belong to anyone."

"Oh." He blinked in surprise. "Really?" I rolled my eyes behind my goggles. Either this guy was just very dense, or he was a damn good actor.

"Yeah, really."

We walked the rest of the way to the Starbucks in silence. I wouldn't go as far to say that it was comfortable, considering that I didn't know the guy, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Was it weird to say that I felt somewhat safe with him? I didn't think that he was safer to be around than Mello, Mello would be able to take care of himself better, but this guy made me feel like I wasn't walking on glass all the time.

I found it odd, and didn't at the same time.

As we sat down and ordered our beverages I kept thinking about how odd it was to be feeling safe with someone that you didn't even know. I wasn't even sure of what I had been thinking about for a minute, all I knew was that I was lost in my own thoughts. That was until I felt a pair of eyes on me. I turned my head so that I looked into amber orbs.

"So, you said that you didn't belong to anyone, that surprises me." He commented lightly.

"How so?"

"It's just, someone as attractive as yourself should have somebody. I bet it's not that hard to get someone to fall for you." _Harder than you think._ I thought with a sigh.

"I'm not attractive in the least."

"Are you kidding me? Dude, I've seen super hot guys before, and you, sir, are hotter than all of them. Have you seen yourself in a mirror?"

"First off: I thought that you said you wouldn't try anything? Second: No, I don't. I am not some conceited prick with a god complex."

"I never said you had a god complex, and I never said I wouldn't try anything. I just said that this wasn't a date. Seriously, though, why won't you admit that you're attractive?"

"Maybe it's because I am not." I said and left it at that as the waitress brought out our drinks. I took a sip of mine, letting the hot liquid travel down my throat. I had just gotten a black coffee. I was the type to leave things dull and boring.

"What about you?" I asked when I set my steaming beverage down in front of me.

"What?"

"Do you have anyone special in your life?" I asked. I had already gathered that Lance was either gay or bi. He basically gave it all away by his body language and the way that he was talking to me.

"Oh, no I don't." He said with a shake of his head. Now it was my turn to ask the questions.

"Why not?"

"Why are you asking?" He shot back quickly.

"You asked me the same questions." I pointed out.

"I haven't found the right person yet. I want them to love me for me, not for my looks."

"I guess that's a good way to look at things." I said after a while. That would be a good way to look at things, and I probably would have looked at them that way if I had a different life. That wasn't going to happen though. I was going to be with Mello for the rest of my life, I was probably going to end up dying for him. I can honestly say that I might not have minded that much.

"Yeah, but I haven't found that person and I doubt that I will." Lance said with a small smile on his face. "I am the type of guy that just fades into the background."

"I know how you feel there." I tended to fade into the background a lot, not that I minded at all. I actually preferred it that way. I always have, and I was sure that I always would. "I'm sure you'll find that person, though."

"One can hope." He said before taking a drink of his beverage, me following his example and quickly downed mine. "I'm just not so sure if I should get into a relationship, you know? I mean, my job is stressful and everything. I don't know if I could give my lover all the love that they would need to be happy."

"What is your job?" I was curious. All jobs were stressful, so how could his be any different?

"I'm a supervisor." He said casually.

"Doesn't sound that stressful to me." _Especially with who I live with._ I thought, but tried to ignore it. Of course it was stressful living with Mello. He was a mafia boss for Zelda's sake! His job was a lot more stressful than the one that Lance claimed to have.

"Well, you don't have to do my job. I have to work with idiots and tell them what to do all the time."

"Sounds interesting." I muttered.

"You aren't one of many words, are you?"

"Not really. I normally don't leave the house."

"Interesting..." I heard him mutter, almost too quietly for me to hear.

"What is?"

"Nothing." He said, looking at his watch. "I was just thinking on some things. It's getting late, we should probably get going."

"I guess so." I said as I stood up, not bothering to look at the clock hanging on the wall. It couldn't be that late anyway, right? I shook my head as I picked up my bag before looking at Lance, who was also now standing. The raven was smiling at him. I had to admit, it was sort of relaxing talking with him, even if it was boring.

"I hope I see you again soon, Matt. I had fun talking with you." He said as he walked past me before stopping and looking back at me, meeting my goggled gaze steadily.

"Yeah, I had fun too." If anything that made his smile widen for some odd reason. "You know what? I bet you will meet that one special person within the next few months."

"I think that I have already met them." His amber eyes flashed again with the same intensity as before. "Hey, Matt, what color are your eyes?"

"Blue." I answered almost instantly, and after I couldn't believe it. I would never do that, but for some reason I answered like I was used to it. Like with what I would do when Mello asked me a question...

"That's nice." He said softly and then turned to walk away again, leaving me to stare after him and wonder what that was about. He was nice, seemed that way, but he was odd. I just decided to think about it later.

I looked back at the table to make sure I had everything with me, and to put down the money, but apparently Lance had already beat me to it. Then on top of the money was a small piece of paper that had a series of numbers. His phone number. I sighed as I flipped it over to see writing. _'If you need to talk, just call and talk.' _I put it in my pocket before grabbing what I had brought with me.

I made sure that I had everything before making my way to the apartment, and to the pissed off blonde that I was sure that awaited me.

* * *

><p>To my surprise Mello didn't say a thing to me when I walked into the apartment. All he did was sit and glare, or what I deemed as "sulking." It wasn't like I was complaining, or anything like that. I actually preferred the silence, but it was quite unnerving when I was used to being yelled at.<p>

It, in fact, was a lot later than I had originally thought. I knew it was at least 4 when I had actually left with Lance for the coffee, but, when I checked my phone before coming into the building, it was close to 7 o' clock. It was a miracle that he wasn't shooting at me, or had tied me to the bed. _Tied to the bed... _I shook my head to clear those unneeded thoughts that were starting to swim around in my head.

It was at least a good half hour before the blonde started to actually speak with me, and I didn't really know what to do when his voice sounded softer than usual. He didn't sound as angry as I thought he was going to be.

"Where were you?" He asked softly. I looked at him, his blonde hair was shielding his face from mine, so I couldn't tell if he was looking at me or not. He was leaning back against the sofa and holding onto a chocolate bar like normal.

"I was out." I said, and to my surprise, he left it at that. He didn't even try to drill me on where I was out to. I was glad about that fact. I didn't know how I could've told him about talking with Lance. If he acted anywhere like how he acted when he was a kid: he would be jealous. Not to mention the fact that he was probably worse than when he was a kid.

"For that long? I barely get you out of here as it is, and when you finally decide to leave you go off for hours without telling me."

"I didn't think I needed to." I said evenly with a shrug as I sat down in the chair that stayed in the corner. It was surprising that Mello wasn't sitting here. He seemed to always be while I was stuck sitting on the couch. "I also thought that we both needed to cool off."

I watched from the corner of my eye as the grip on the bar of chocolate became slightly tighter. I was positive that he got the hidden meaning there. If it was just him that needed to calm down I would take whatever he needed to vent, but when we both needed to cool off it meant that _I _needed to calm down: he knew it too.

"You could have at leas-" His sharp voice was broken off as I took it up for him.

"I could have done what, Mello? Told you where I was going? I didn't even know where I was going." That's when he jerked his head up so that I could see his eyes. They were filled with anger along with some other unreadable emotion. Something that I had never seen in his eyes before. Was it worry? I shook my head again. _Don't be stupid. Mello would never worry about a thing._ I told myself.

"Look," He groaned as he stood up and stretched. The 19 year old put a hand on his head before looking at me again, "it's been a long day. We've both been up since dawn, and I think it's time to get some rest." He jerked his head in the direction of the bedroom and I sighed. I wasn't going to be able to play any of my new games tonight, because what Mello wanted, Mello got. Especially from me, and he knew that too.

I nodded wordlessly, and stood up: putting my new Nintendo DS down in the process. We were forced to share the bed, which thank Zelda it was a double and not just a single. I don't think I could have stood it if it was a single bed. Mello insisted that I sleep with him in the bed because he needed me to be fully rested and the couch is uncomfortable to sleep on.

Both of those might be true, but I wasn't sure why he bothered. He knew that I didn't really sleep that long anyway. Six hours was the longest sleep that I have ever gotten before. I had never truly had a good night sleep, not since I was little, before I went to Wammys.

When I finally made it into the bedroom I found that Mello had already stripped down and was currently putting on the loose black shorts that he wore to bed. He never wore anything else, just those shorts for some reason. Even in the winter he wore them. I had already kicked off my boots at the door earlier, so I took off my goggles and gently lair them on the bedside table before stripping down to my boxers.

It should have been easy to sleep with Mello, we had done so in the past so many times because one of us was scared, normally it was me. It was easy, not as uncomfortable as it would normally be if you were sleeping in the same bed as your secret love. I hated to admit the fact that it kept getting more and more uncomfortable as we got older, as the one-sided feelings I had for him got stronger.

I just pushed those thoughts out of my head as I crawled under the covers. Mello was my best friend, and I didn't want to do anything to make him leave me. Not a second time. I cared about him too much. I cared about myself too much... I guess I was a little selfish, but I knew that it had hurt Mello too, even if he didn't want to admit it.

I just ignored all thoughts as I cuddled against the pillow, and I breathed in the blondes' sweet scent as I drifted off into sleep. Even if I couldn't have him as my lover, I could have him as my best friend. My talk with Lance strengthened that small resolve in me. I would always have Mello as my friend if nothing else.

* * *

><p><strong>5843 words in this part.<strong>


	2. Part II

**I wouldn't have put this note in here, but I thought I would warn you..**

… **When I said there was 2 lemons, I meant there was an actual lemon and then there is rape.**

**Just thought I'd warn you that there is rape in this part.**

* * *

><p>When I woke up the first thing I noticed was that I had something around my waist. I guess I really couldn't say something since it was more like someone. I tried to get out of the blondes' grip without waking him, which I eventually succeeded. Mello was difficult to deal with on most days, and I didn't need him to know that he was latched onto my waist like his life depended on it.<p>

Mello never really knew that he did that, because I never told him. The way I saw it was that he was doing it because it was something we did when we were younger, when one of us had a nightmare, and that he was trying to make up for the bad temper that he had. He would never do that if he was aware of it, and I truly didn't mind that he did that. I enjoyed the comfort being in his arms gave me.

Not to mention that I always woke up before he did so he would never know what he did when he was sleeping. I was afraid that he would push me away if I ever told him. He was always saying that he didn't need anyone, that he didn't need emotions. I knew that he needed them, but I wasn't going to speak out against him. Not like what I did yesterday.

I looked at my best friend and just looked at him for a while. His blonde hair was spread out a crossed the pillow and his mouth was slightly open. This was the only time that I ever saw him anywhere near relaxed. For some reason it was always when he was around me. I didn't really understand why that was the reason he was relaxed, but that's what I thought, and I was normally right about things when it came to Mello.

I shook my head and tried to get rid of the clenching of my heart. I needed to stop thinking about him like that, even though I was sure that I would never forget about the feelings. He would never return them, and they were just making things harder.

I got dressed in my normal attire before moving out of the room as fast as I could There was no sense in being there if I wasn't sleeping. I checked the time, seeing it to be 9:00. It wasn't that it was early at all in my mind, it's just it was late for me. Considering what time it was Mello should be up in about an hour to go to his chosen occupation. Not a very good one, mind you, but I didn't really think mine was any better.

Before I did anything much I grabbed a soda from the fridge and then I decided to do what I did best. I really didn't know that much about Lance, so I needed to look up some information on him. It wasn't that I had anything against him, but I guess I could be considered paranoid. Considering how I grew up, I could be worse.

When I got logged into my laptop I searched the number in one of the many databases that I had access to. Once I had went to his profile I was surprised to find most of his information locked. I did get that his name was Lance Wolfe and he was 24, but that was about it. I was interested in knowing why his information was locked on this one. I was about to go to the next database that I hoped to have more information on the man, but that was when I heard Mello come into the room. I quickly exited the window and started to load one of my games as I switched to a different computer so that I could watch the cameras that were set up.

"What are you doing?" Mello asked.

"Watching the cameras like I was told to." I answered without looking at him. I couldn't, I was too afraid that I would get that feeling again.

"Matt." He sighed. "You know that's not what I meant by what I said. You don't have to watch them all the time."

"But they need watched, and you're never here to do it. That leaves me." I set the computer on the table and grabbed the other one. My game had loaded and I could keep and eye on both of them at once. I could keep an eye on a lot more than that at once, I just didn't like to divide my time that much.

"Matt, I don't care if you watch them all the time, or not. I just want them to be watched at least part of the time."

"Whatever you say." I knew different.

"Matt, just – Fine." The blonde sighed angrily before turning away from me. I knew that he had because I heard the heel of hit boot slide on the wooden floor. "Do whatever the hell you want. See if I care."

"You never do." I said it so quietly, but I was sure that he had heard me because the door froze for a moment, and I could just see his expression. I was willing to bet that it was angry. When the door closed, it was just like what I expected: a slam.

I didn't know what I was going to do all day. I was sure that I would play my games again, but I strangely didn't feel like it anymore. I would play my game that had already loaded, just for something to do, but other than that I didn't know what to do. Since I certainly wasn't going to watch the cameras that much.

After a few minutes of playing the game I stopped. I just wasn't in the zone today. I didn't know why, but something wasn't right with me today. I wasn't sure if it was because I was still somewhat upset with Mello, or what it was. I just knew that it wasn't good if I couldn't even play my games.

That was when my phone started to vibrate.

I fished it out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID and was surprised to see no name. All that was there was a number, but a number that I recognized. It was the one I had just gotten yesterday, but I had never given him my number. I frowned as I opened up the message.

_'Hey, Matt. Remember me? It's Lance. Want to talk?'_

_'Sure, but how did you get my number? I never gave it to you.' _I was never one to use chat speak. I mean, yes I knew about what everything meant, it's just that I didn't want to use it. It was just as easy for me to write everything out.

_'I'll let you in on a little secret: I hacked a database to get a number, and I stumbled across yours, so I thought that I might as well give you a text.'_

So, he was a hacker? Well, what a very strange coincidence. One that seemed odd, but I shrugged it off.

_'A hacker, huh? Cool. I'm one as well, a very strange coincidence that we both met. Who's phone were you trying to get to?'_

* * *

><p>It was a little past three in the afternoon and I was still talking with Lance. He seemed easy to get along with, and that's what I liked about him. He seemed like he could relate to me. It might have sounded weird, but I already trusted him. I didn't trust him enough to tell him that much about the important things, but he seemed trustworthy.<p>

I learned a lot about the raven haired man, and I've really only met him once. I was surprised to find out that we had a fair amount of things in common. It made me happy to know that there was someone out there that could relate to me. I did try to play my game as we talked, but I kept stopping to answer and I finally just gave up. Me giving up on something was a miracle, considering how stubborn I normally was.

Talking with Lance made me forget about everything else. It was something that I wasn't really used to. If it ever happened, it was with Mello, and that was always when we were kids. It never really happened anymore.

_'Hey, how about you come over? It'll be fun, and I doubt that tight-ass roommate of yours will mind.' _His next text read.

_Why would a man in his early twenties want to hang out with an 18 year old hermit? _A voice in my head asked but I ignored it. The voice sounded like Mello, and I didn't want to listen to his voice. It reminded me of what I couldn't have.

I thought it over in my head, pushing away the voice that was saying I shouldn't. It was either sit in this room alone with nothing but my games, and talking with Lance, or going over to his place with a person there to keep me company, and actually talk with him face to face.

…... I chose the latter...

What? Could you blame me? I mean, sure I barely knew the guy, but he seemed trustworthy enough. Not to mention the fact that even a hermit like myself needs some form of a social life, one not involving the blonde bombshell that I lived with. Besides, even I had to admit that Lance was attractive, even if he wasn't as attractive as Mello.

_'Sure. Where do you live?'_

I was also going to make sure that I was home before dark this time, and hope that Mello isn't home before me today. I don't think it would be too good for me to get him pissed off two nights in a row.

* * *

><p>I pulled my camaro up and parked on the edge of the street. I didn't want to park in the driveway, I probably wasn't going to be here long anyway. It wasn't that I would mind, because I wouldn't, but it would get dark in a few hours, and Mello would be home shortly after that. If he wasn't home before that.<p>

He would probably be mad again. Like he always was after he got home from whatever the hell he did all day at that headquarters of his. He also wouldn't be expecting me to not be there if he got back before me, which would undoubtedly put him in a worse mood. I didn't like going outside, and he knew this.

I pinched out my cigarette just in case he didn't like smoke in his house before I got to the door. I tried not to smoke in homes that much, or stores since it was illegal now, and even before it was illegal I tried not to do it. I only smoked in the apartment because Mello was gone most of the day, and couldn't tell me what to do, even if he did hate the smoke.

Then again he always told me what to do... So, he told me what to do about everything but my games and cigarettes.

I knocked on the door, and after a few minutes it opened, revealing the slightly taller man. He gave me a smile, much like the one from yesterday: slightly knowing with kindness mixed in. That odd feeling that I was feeling was dull, but it was slowly starting to come back. Yet again, I pushed it back. What could happen?

"Hey, Matt." He said. His voice was strong and gentle at the same time. It reminded me of the way that Mello spoke sometimes – when he was apologizing, and that wasn't very often. I really surprised myself with finding similarities between the mafia boss and Lance. It was slightly...odd.

"Hey, Lance. Thanks for inviting me over." I said as I walked in, closing the door behind me, and following him as he led the way into the house. It was fairly nice, and looked pretty damn expensive. The inside looked more so than the outside. _To make people think that he has nothing that's worth stealing._ I thought.

"No problem." He said as we moved into the living room, that looked just as extravagant as the hallway. "I really don't have that much company anyway."

"I guess I should feel honored." I said with a slight bit of amusement hidden in my voice.

"You should. Want anything to drink?" I just shrugged in reply as he moved into a different room, which I suspected was the kitchen. I was right. When he came back into the room he tossed me a can, which I found to be a Coke.

"Thanks." I set the can down on the table. I wasn't going to drink it right now. It felt like it was freezing. I knew that it wasn't, but it felt like it. Not to mention I could still taste my cigarette in my mouth, and normally it didn't bother me, but I normally didn't drink Coke right after I took a smoke. I really didn't drink anything right after, and I really didn't think that Coke would taste too good with cigarette smoke. "Why don't you have people over that often? Someone like you not popular?"

"I wouldn't say that. I just don't really like that many people. That, and the people I do like, aren't really the type to invite to your home." He replied, plopping down right next to me on one of the couches and taking a drink of his own soda that he had gotten. "You can smoke, by the way. I don't mind." He added.

"You know I smoke?" I truthfully didn't tell him that, but I guess it was kinda obvious.

"You smell like smoke." He explained. "I don't really care if you smoke in here."

"You sure? I don't want to make your home smell like smoke."

"I'm used to it: trust me. The people that I work with smoke all the time." I gave a shrug before taking out a cigarette and lighting it up. If he didn't mind of course I was going to have one? I admit that it was an addiction, and I was addicted.

We spent a fair amount of time just sitting and talking. It sorta reminded me of what Mello and I used to do before he started getting all obsessed with beating Near and being number one. It made me happy that I could do that again, but sad that it wasn't Mello that I was doing it with. We used to do everything together. It wasn't like that anymore.

…...Was it odd that being with Lance reminded me so much of Mello?

The answer was simple. Yes. It was odd that Lance reminded me so much of Mello. They didn't act alike, they didn't talk alike, they didn't do anything remotely alike. I didn't see how I could be talking with Lance and thinking of the blonde instead. Why would I think of him if they were completely different? I thought that it was impossible.

I mean, sure, I think about Near on occasion when talking with Mello. Even when the blonde wasn't ranting about the albino. The only real reason that I thought about Near when talking, or thinking, about Mello was because they acted similar.

"You never told me what you do for work anyway." I commented as I took a puff from my cigarette. Technically he had told me that he was a supervisor, but he never told me what for. I glanced at the clock to see that it was a little past 5:30. _I should probably be getting back soon. _I thought.

"Oh, I'm a mafia boss." The way he said it was completely casual, like he was expecting the question, and had been for a while. _No wonder all his information was locked. _The realization came with a flash. I should have known that he had to be into something illegal in order for that information to be inaccessible.

"Oh. That's nice." I said calmly, but something inside me was telling me this wasn't good. That same voice was telling me that it really was time to get back home.

"It is. It gets pretty good money and I pick my own hours. Not to mention I get to boss a lot of idiots around."

"At least you get what you want then. Well, I should probably get going." I said as I stood up. "I never told my friend where I was going." Which – in fact – was not a lie. I never told Mello where I was going, or that I was going out at all.

"Really? Well, I'm sure that Mello wouldn't mind. He'll just be more irritated. He wouldn't object to his friend making a new one, would he?" I was standing there, frozen. I had felt myself stiffen slightly when I heard Mello's name come out of his mouth. I never told him that name, and he couldn't have just randomly guessed, or found it in any online database. I had made sure that that couldn't happen.

"How do you know?" I asked. If any normal person had been watching our conversation they would've thought that I was referring to Mello objecting me making a new friend, but I wasn't meaning that, and Lance knew it too.

When I glanced back at him his face was still relaxed, but his eyes seemed to get a little bit harder. They could still be seen as gentle, but at the same time they could be seen as insane. Then his voice seemed to change slightly. It was both stern and quiet like it was earlier, but it also held a tone of sick amusement and hardness.

All and all, he looked like Mello, but different. He looked like Mello normally did, but a little less insane, but he sounded worse than what Mello normally did when the blonde spoke.

"Oh, well, who doesn't know Mello? He's the mafia boss for a different mafia than me, but he also happens to be an enemy."

"It wasn't an accident that you were at the gaming store with me." It wasn't a question: it was a statement.

"It wasn't. You know that now you are here you won't be leaving without my permission, right?"

"Yes." I said. I knew this now. He looked stronger than me the first time that we met, but knowing that he was a very powerful man made me more weary of him. I can't believe that I fell for something so stupid. _Naïve. _I thought with a twinge.

"Good, because you won't have my permission for a while."

"What do I have to do with anything? I never did anything to you."

"I have to admit, you didn't, but Mello did. He, and his little goons keep sticking their nose into my business. He's not apart of my mafia. He has his own, but he is trying to get into control of mine as well."

"That still doesn't explain how I fit into all this."

"It does perfectly well." Lance said as he stood up and moved so that he was standing in front of me. The look on his face was one of intelligence, but it was insane. I knew he was smart, but I guess I didn't think that he was that smart. It shouldn't have surprised me.

Actually, nothing that he just told me should've surprised me. I kept getting vibes like what Mello gave off from him. I took a small step back, but otherwise held my ground. I didn't want to appear that weak, even though I was sure that I looked weak compared to him.

He's a bastard.

"How so?" I asked while trying to think of what I could do to get out of whatever situation I was in. That little voice in my head suddenly grew into a large screaming voice. It sounded like Mello again, and it was telling me not to find out. I was stubborn, and I was sure that I would find out what he had planned: whether or not I wanted to know.

"Well, I originally was going to follow Mello, get to know his routine. That was before I saw you, though." He said thoughtfully. I could see that sinister gleam in his eyes. That was what that look was before, and I had been too stupid to recognize it. "When I saw you it surprised me. I've spoken with Mello before at meetings between our men to settle our disputes, and I never thought that he would be one to have a friend, let alone a roommate."

"Then I found out that you were a hacker, so I figured that must have been the reason behind it. That wasn't it, though. I heard you both say things that meant you had a past together. When I saw the way you acted around him, and that's when the thought originally occurred to me. 'Use him to get to Mello.' That's what I thought. Then I figured that it wouldn't really work. It would be pointless to waste the energy, even though you were quite attractive."

"Then why are you? It's still not going to do anything." _Attractive? What the hell. I'm not attractive, and what the fuck is he going on about? It's not like Mello will care at all. _I thought. Lance was confusing. Smart, but confusing.

"I'm getting to that." He said, smirking again, and stepping closer. I took another step back. I didn't want this fool near me. "I had been watching you both for quite some time. Only a few weeks after I figured out your feelings for him, I looked at the way that he was acting around you. That is when it dawned on me! He cares about you, more than anything. That's when the idea came back into my head, but more powerful this time. I realized it would work, so I took that plan and ran with it."

"You tricked me. Played with me."

"I didn't trick you. I just hid this part of myself from you. I showed the part that people trusted to you. It's easy when you're a skilled actor. I just thought that you would be smarter, and that I would have to try harder. Something different, perhaps. Was it that you were wanting a companion?"

I stayed silent, even as he took another step closer. I would have taken another step back, but I couldn't unless I wanted to fall on the couch. I stayed silent because part of me knew that it was the reason why I trusted him. Why I was so stupidly trusting of a man that I didn't even know.

I was so angry at myself that I felt like I should kill myself. I might not be able to. If – or when – Mello found out he would kill me for being so trusting and stupid. I wasn't even sure that Mello would get the chance. Lance just might beat him too it.

"Mello doesn't deserve you." I was snapped out of my angry thoughts when he spoke, and grabbed at my goggles at the same time. Before I could stop him he had taken my goggles and had tossed them away.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I glared at him the best I could – which I knew could be very intimidating. Nobody sees my eyes. Not unless I want them to, and certainly not when I hated the bastard at that exact moment.

"Don't play dumb. We both know that you are smarter than that. He treats you like shit, and yet you stay with him. You're like a loyal dog that follows his master, even in death. He does not deserve someone like you. He acts like he doesn't care about you, but he can't accept things. He treats you like he would treat a street rat."

No matter how hard I tried to keep the eye contact with him, I couldn't. The glint in his eyes seemed to see through my soul. It was that intimidating. I guess this was the bad thing that voice was trying to warn me about. I looked away, so that I was staring at the ground, but I was still glaring at him through my mind.

"You do everything for him, yet he treats you that way. I can understand why you stay, but I know that you can do better than him. Wouldn't you be better being with somebody else? Sticking with somebody else?"

"I can't." I replied.

"Bull. You can, and you will." Before I knew it my head was jerked back so that I was looking into amber eyes. The look in his eyes were of a predator that finally caught his prey. I glared the best that I could at him, but it didn't last long because my eyes went open immediately after. He kissed me with such force. _The hell...? He's kissing me._ That bastard was kissing me! I pushed him with all the force that I could muster at the moment, and he took a couple steps back: hands still weaved into my hair.

"You bastard!" I shouted and tried to get out of his grip, but the more I struggled, the more tightly he held onto my hair. It felt like he was going to pull it out of my skull. I wanted to keep my hair, and not bleed.

"You will be mine now." Lance said the words with such certainty. Like it was a fact. It might as well have been. "Like I said; Mello doesn't deserve you. I – on the other hand – am way better than him, and do deserve you."

"In your dreams." I growled as he pushed me down onto the couch.

"In my reality too." He said with another sinister smirk. That was when he decided to sit right on my lap, so that he was straddling me. I closed my eyes when he placed his lips over mine again. I grunted as he forced his tongue in. _It's not going to be that easy. _I thought right before I bit down onto the wet muscle.

When he forced his head back in surprise he was looked at my eyes, then the rest of my face, then down to my chest. I was sure that his eyes would ave traveled farther down my body if it wasn't for the fact that he was still sitting on me. I would have kicked him if I could, but I settled for going to hit him. That plan backfired when he grabbed onto both of my wrists and pushed them back onto the couch.

"Just stop struggling." The raven said with a sigh. "It will only make things worse."

"You bastard." I growled through the pants that escaped my mouth. I could feel his hardened manhood diffing into my inner thigh. Every time he moved a certain way his groin rubbed against my own. The friction that it made was slowly making me hard, and the involuntary reaction was making me sick.

He had managed to get my shirt off, and unbutton and unzip my pants. I didn't want him to touch my, so I started to struggle more. He sat back quickly, and – still holding onto my wrists with one hand – unbuttoned and unzipped his own jeans.

"Matt, stop struggling. You're not helping this." It made me feel even more sick to hear his voice – laced with lust and gentleness.

"You're the one that's not helping. Raping me won't do anything." I was still trying to get my breath back, but it wasn't working like I wanted to. I couldn't hope to get it back with him keeping up with his ministrations.

"It does something." His eyes were glinting again. "It makes sure that I have something that Mello doesn't."

My eyes widened at that moment. It wasn't because of what he was doing, and it surely wasn't that the situation just hit me. It was because his words made me realize something that should have been clear a long time ago. My eyes closed as my thoughts raced, and I did my best to block out reality.

_I'm a tool._ I thought. It was the thought that stood out to me; even with all the others rushing through my head, and the truth of the words hurt me. I had been Mello's tool before he had left, I had always been L's tool from the beginning, I had been Near's tool after Mello left, I was Mello's tool again now, and I am almost positive that we are both Near's tools now. _Just add Lance to the list._ I thought with despair. I was always a tool, and it was probably always going to stay that way until I died. It didn't matter who's tool that I was, either way I was still a tool.

I was jerked out of my thoughts when I felt myself getting pulled off the couch. My eyes snapped open to find myself with my legs being hoisted into the air. Before I could even think to start to kick my legs he had pulled my pants and boxers off in one go. Then he basically threw me back onto the sofa while he quickly dropped his own pants and boxers. He was naked in front of me and I didn't like it.

I was fully exposed to him, and I didn't like that either.

Just as I was about to try and make a break for it was when he flipped me so that I was on my stomach. When I felt him straddle me I thought that that was it. That was when I was going to be taken by this man, and that it was going to hurt like hell. I couldn't even fight any more. I didn't have the strength anymore. I wasn't as strong as he was in the first place, and I would need the strength that I had to try and fight the pain that I was surely about to feel.

Instead of feeling him push his way inside me, I felt something small enter me, and another one enter quickly after. I had to admit that I was slightly surprised that he was even going to bother prepping me when it was still going to hurt badly. I felt the two digits working together inside me so that I was stretched, and I will admit that the feeling was just uncomfortable – not painful.

That was until he removed them to add something bigger.

"Ah!" I cried out in pain as he pushed himself into me. He did it with a slow confidence – almost like he had the right to be inside me. I didn't know what to do. I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Even with the little stretching that he put me through I was still in so much pain. I had started struggling again, but shortly after I fell limp. Struggling only made it feel worse.

At every thrust he made he went deeper, and harder and faster. At every movement that he made I screamed in pain more until he found my prostate. It was almost like he had been aiming for it the whole time, and had finally found it. I couldn't think of why he would want me to feel any pleasure when he was the one raping me.

After he had found the bundle of nerves he kept thrusting in and out of that spot in rapid correlation between fast and hard, and slow and gentle. My cries of pure pain were still of that, but in with it was mixed with pleasure that I shouldn't be experiencing. Pleasure that I willed myself not to enjoy. I was doing my best to keep silent, but I let out a moan of mixed feelings when he rammed into me and grabbed my erection at the same time.

I didn't want to enjoy this.

He pumped me in time with his thrusts, and those kept getting faster and faster. I just wished that this would end soon. It's went on for too long already. That was when I felt the clenching in my gut, and I knew that I was done for. Once I went, he would follow.

That was how it went too.

After a few minutes of him just laying collapsed on me, he pulled out, and I felt even more disgusting. I could no longer feel him inside me, but I still could feel his seed. I didn't want it. I hadn't wanted any of this. Tears were no longer running from my eyes, but I could still feel the tracks that they had left. I was positive that the reason the tears were gone was because I had no more to offer.

"Get up and get dressed." Lance ordered as he stood up and walked over to where his pants and boxers lay. After he had slipped both articles of clothing on he walked back over to me as I just barely managed to sit up. It wasn't that I was having problems – it was how painful it was. I looked at him right as he placed his fingers gently on my cheek as if caressing it. It made me want to pull away from him, but I didn't know if he would do anything else to me if I did.

I slowly raised myself off the cushioned surface and I made my way around to where my clothes lay scattered. I was wobbly, but I managed without any help – not like he would give it anyway. I had managed to pull on my boxers and I was currently in the process of buttoning my pants. I wanted to go faster, but I felt too sore to go any faster than I already was going.

"You won't tell anyone what just happened – not even Mello." I heard Lance's voice and my eyes flashed slightly when I looked at him. I didn't know what I had planned on doing, but whatever it was I hadn't even thought of telling the blonde. Why would he do anything about it? I mean, it is the mafia we are talking about, so I'm assuming that my best friend had seen his fair share of rape and had done nothing about it.

"I wasn't planning on it." My voice was hoarse when I spoke the words. I didn't even care, and the words were true because I was too ashamed. Too ashamed to let Mello know what had happened. Just letting him know that I was stupid was bad enough, if I added the part that Lance had raped me that would feel even worse.

"Hmm." He hummed. "That's good, eve though I thought that you might want to so that he could attempt to beat me to a pulp."

"Mello wouldn't care."

"Well, as long as you keep that mentality up and going my plan has a better chance at being full proof."

"If you didn't want him to know then why did you do this?"

"For a couple reasons." He said and he gave me a smirk that a predator would give his prey. "The first being that Mello _will_ find out, just not yet. The other reason is that I thought you would be a good fuck, and I was right."

"You're a bastard." I managed to growl out.

"Thank you. Now, before you go we have to go over a couple rules."

"I don't want your damned rules."

"Whether you want them or not you shall abide by them." He said sternly as I slipped my shirt over my head and I picked up my goggles. I just stood there looking at him, glaring at him. "Sit back down."

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, even if it did hurt to stay standing. I wasn't going to go anywhere near him unless I could help it.

"Suit yourself." He sighed before looking back at me. "I don't have many rules, and there is really only two that you have to follow."

"What would those be?"

"The one I already told you: don't tell Mello. The other is just as simple. Whenever I call you, you come to me."

"What makes you think that I will do that?"

"I'd originally say that I would kill you if you don't, but I'd hate to harm such a pretty face. I will just have to settle with harming Mello – maybe even killing him – if you don't do as your told." The thought that he would even harm Mello made my heart clench. I knew that the blonde could take care of himself, but I couldn't bear the thought of him getting hurt when I could stop it.

"What are you planning? Really?"

"You will find out soon enough. Now, you better get on home, you look you're about ready to pass out." Lance said with a smirk. I shot him a final glare before making my way out of the room, and out of the house – stumbling all the way to my car. I was just hoping with everything in my body that I could get home safely, because I actually did feel as if I could pass out.

When I sat down I felt another flash of pain rip through my back, but I couldn't help it. It hurt when I moved in anyway, and there was no way in hell that I was walking, and since it was impossible to actually drive standing up, I had no choice but to try and hold out until I got home.

Not only was I hoping that I wouldn't pass out, but I was also hoping that Mello had needed to work late, and therefore wouldn't be home yet. The chances of that were 50/50, considering that some nights he didn't come back until around midnight, while others he would be home earlier in the evening.

* * *

><p><strong>Part II has 6506 words in it.<strong>

**Also, before you ask, yes: getting aroused during rape is an involuntary reaction. Before I had the idea for this fic, I got bored one night and randomly decided to search things on Wikipedia. I searched rape for some reason, and the knowledge stayed in my head. It was like it was just waiting to be used.  
><strong>


	3. Part III

I gave a sigh as I leaned against the wall right outside of the apartment. I had managed to get home without passing out, obviously, and I hadn't crossed the path of any other people that would ask me if I was okay. They would only do that because I was still stumbling when I walked, and I did have some trouble actually getting up the stairs without falling back down them.

I could hear the faint sounds of a person moving around behind the door, and the vague sounds of the television being played, and I knew that Mello was home. I briefly wondered how long he had been here, but I pushed the thought from my mind. I knew I was probably going to get it, and I didn't want to deal with it tonight. Especially not tonight.

"Where were you?" A harsh voice snapped as soon as I made my way slowly into the living room to be faced with Mello. I wasn't really facing him though. My eyes were trained on the ground and I was looking at his boots. I couldn't look at him, for fear of looking worse than I actually felt, and I felt pretty damn bad.

My first thoughts when I heard his voice were torn. Part of me wanted to break down and tell him what had just happened to me, but the other part of me was going against it – not wanting to tell him how weak I had been. Then there was the little threat that Lance was holding over my head. The part of me that was ashamed and worried won out, and I refused to tell him.

I just stayed silent and continued to just stare at his boots. I normally would be biting my lip right about now, but it had already been worried enough in the night. I didn't want to speak unless I had to. I was afraid that my voice would betray me as my eyes often did when I wasn't wearing my goggles.

"Matt, where were you?" He asked again, the bite in his voice hadn't went away. I doubted that it would tonight. He had probably already been irritable, and I just made things worse.

"Out." I said quietly, thankful that my voice didn't sound as hoarse as it had been earlier. I figured that it would be easier to answer him than to not answer him. I actually _knew_ it would be easier.

"Out where, Matt?" I knew that I was testing his patience, and any other time I wouldn't care. Not today though. Today I did care.

"Just out." I said again. I was starting to feel the exhaustion coming over me like a blanket again.

"Matt, give me a straight answer! Where were you? And look at me when I'm talking to you." He snarled and my head snapped up to look at him. I barely even registered the gasp that he let out when I started glaring at him.

"It doesn't matter where I was because I was nowhere important!" I raised my voice at him, and I didn't actually register the look in his eyes.

"Matt...What happened?" It felt that the roles were reversed. I was raising my voice at him while his voice was softer than normal.

"Nothing. I'm just tired." I said and brushed past him, and I could basically feel his ice blue gaze on me as I stalked into the bathroom. '

I turned on the hot water, and a little of the cold before stripping down and stepping into the warm spray. Even with the cold on, it was still hot enough that it felt like it was burning my skin – though I knew that it wasn't. I felt like filth, and that made me scrub at my skin harder. I wanted to do my best to get rid of the man's presence before the next time that was clearly promised.

After I had gotten as clean as I could, and my skin felt raw from all the scrubbing I got out from under the spray after turning it off. I still felt dirty, but I couldn't do anymore than I already did. When I was standing in front of the mirror I took a long look at myself. The fresh bruises that littered my body weren't something that I was proud of, and I wasn't proud of anything at this moment. They seemed to change my body so that it looked more gruesome than it should have.

Though, the biggest change that was noticeable had to be my eyes. They seemed more lifeless than they normally did, even to me. They seemed, broken. Almost like it was showing how I felt, and I felt like I was dying inside. My eyes were always good at betraying me.

I turned away from my reflection and tied a towel around my waist. I carefully and quietly made my way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom we shared. I took out a pair of loose sweatpants, and a long-sleeved black shirt. They were both loose, and I wasn't going to risk just sleeping in my boxers.

That was when I froze. It was a little before 9 o' clock, and I was the only one getting ready to go to sleep – which was good – but that still meant Mello would come in here later in order to get some rest, and I didn't really want to sleep next to him tonight. Actually, it wasn't just the sleeping next to him because if it was just that then I would be fine.

It was the fact of waking up in the same position with Mello that I had for weeks now. That was the problem.

Finally the exhaustion over took me and I crawled into the bed and under the covers. I needed to sleep, whether or not I would wake up again with Mello in the morning could be a problem for later, as I didn't want to be touched right not. I couldn't help what happened during sleep, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

A light wishing that he could just go out forever.

* * *

><p>I was sure that the changes in my behavior were even more noticeable than they were when it first started. It had been a couple weeks of this going on, Lance calling on me at least twice a week, and each time I would come home feeling disgusted with myself, and exhausted. I would barely talk anymore – less than I did originally – and when I did it was normally a curt reply.<p>

I didn't bother to care about things anymore. I wouldn't eat that much at all – one meal a day at the most. I had been smoking more often, and I didn't even try to argue with Mello when he told me to go out on the balcony. Strangely he hadn't been complaining about it that much lately, or much about anything anymore. I believe that I would've worried more if I was in my right mind.

I was already thinking about his well being, and right now I didn't care if he yelled at me, or ranted to me. I never did mind that much, but even when he did that then I wouldn't do anything. I used to give small comments of reassurance, and I tried to now: I just couldn't.

I've changed so much within the past weeks. I can barely even recognize myself in the mirror. I almost always had bruises and bite marks all over my body – minus my face. Lance wouldn't touch my face, when he was abusing me, except for the kisses that he normally placed on my lips – sometimes gentle, sometimes harsh.

Even if he didn't leave marks on my face, I was almost always even more pale after the sexual intercourse that was forced upon me. My pale complexion always made the marks stand out more than they would have on a normal person and I got paler and paler everyday, adding to the marks distinctness.

I had taken to wearing the long sleeved shirt and loose pants to bed every night so that Mello wouldn't see the ever growing collection of marks on my body. I had thought about starting to sleep on the couch so that there was a better chance of him not seeing, but I decided against it; it would be less comfortable, and there was a good chance that the blonde wouldn't let me anyway.

I let out a sigh as I got off the couch. Why did my life have to suddenly get so complicated? I know that it wasn't the most tame, but why did it have to decide to pull a fast one and make life hell? Mother Nature certainly had a cruel sense of humor for doing this to me.

Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be me?

I hadn't gotten a call today, and I found that as a strike of good luck. I found that when Lance did call, it was somewhere between 2 o' clock and 3 o' clock, and right now it was bordering 3:30. There was my relief for the day, and I was pretty sure that I needed the rest. A very, very good rest.

"Matt." I looked back into blue eyes that seemed to fill with worry. I could feel his grip on my arm, and I remembered that I had my goggles around my neck. I found myself surprised because I thought that I was the only one in the apartment. I had foolishly assumed that Mello had left hours ago. I was also surprised by thinking that it was worry that filled his eyes, and even more so when I realized it couldn't be anything else. What could Mello possibly be worried about?

"What?" I asked quietly, and I wasn't surprised that my voice seemed to be the same as my eyes anymore. I still felt my heart skip a beat when he touched me, but it wasn't enough for me to pull away from him anymore.

"What's going on?" He was acting completely out of character, and he had been lately. I never really thought of why. I just guessed that something was going on and his mind. _Wait._ I thought. _Didn't I think about this before?_ I thought, but just shook my head.

"What do you mean?" It hurt the actual me to play the dumb fool about this, but he couldn't know. Couldn't know anything about what was going on, even if I wanted to break down in his arms and scream it all.

"Matt, I'm not stupid." His voice was stern, but the gentleness seemed to almost force it away. "I know that there is something going on, and I need to know what it is."

"Nothing's going on, Mello."

"Mail, just-" He broke off and before I even knew it I was being pressed against against him. "Just tell me." I didn't really understand why he had pulled me into a hug, but I couldn't pull away from him. It wasn't because I was too weak to, it was because I didn't want to.

"Nothing's going on, Mello." I repeated.

"Please!" He exploded and I couldn't help but flinch back a little. "Please." He said more quietly as I felt him burry his head into my neck. "Please, just don't lie, and tell me the truth. I need to know what's going on with you."

"Why cant you just believe me when I say that there's nothing going on?"

"Because I know better. You never used to go out unless I dragged you, or forced you to go get something that we needed, and now you go out at least twice a week if not more – then you're gone for hours! It's not like you."

"I just think that it's time I got used to the outside." I lied quietly. I knew that he probably wouldn't buy it, but I wasn't going to tell him the truth. Knowing how smart he is, he probably should've realized this. Hell! He probably already did.

"We both know that's not true." He said. "Please, just tell me. You have me worried." The words took a while to comprehend but when they got to the point that I could understand them I didn't know what to think.

"Why would you be worried about me?" I asked, and I looked into his eyes when he seemed to recoil at the words.

"Why would I worry about you?" He repeated, looking slightly shocked. "Because, you're my best friend, and I-" Whatever he was about to say got taken away from him when his cell phone started going off. He looked at it angrily, and then snapped it open. "What?"

I didn't bother to deal with thinking about what he was going to say. It was enough to know that he was worried about me, and I didn't think that I needed to know what else was on his mind. It was probably nothing important anyways. I looked back at him when he snapped his phone shut after growling a quick "Fine." He looked at me again, the anger seemed to be laced with worry and regret.

"Matt-" He started before I broke in quietly, but it still made him stop nonetheless.

"I know, you've gotta go." I saw the emotions that seemed to swirl in his eyes without even seeing them. Why did he seem to be in pain too?

"I'll be back as soon as I can." He sighed in defeat. "When I get back you are going to tell me what's going on."

"Alright, even though there's nothing to tell." I murmured as he headed out the door. It's not that I didn't want to tell, it's that I _couldn't_. Why did life have to be so difficult?

Not even a couple minutes after he had left I had felt a vibrating in the pocket of my jeans. It was either Mello or Lance, considering nobody else knew my number, let alone called me. I was guessing Mello, because it was passed the time for Lance to call me, and I vaguely wondered why Mello would be calling unless he had forgotten something, and if that was the case then he would probably have just came back up.

My mind was screaming that it wasn't Mello, and I realized that once I looked at who it was contacting me.

_'Hey, sorry that I'm late getting in contact with you tonight, but I need you here right now. So, you know what to do.' _

I could practically see the look on his face as he sent that message to me. I had gotten to where I hated the raven haired man, and I hoped that he died a painful death.

_A very morbid thought for me. _I thought as I made my way out the door.

* * *

><p>"You know," Lance said as he took a puff of the cigarette he was smoking, "I'm actually surprised that you haven't told Mello anything about this. I figured that you would have before now."<p>

"There's no point in it." I said quietly as I laid on the couch. He went a little hard tonight, and I needed to rest before I got home, and I knew that he wouldn't try to have another session right now. He was never one to go more than once in one day, but have one very long go at once.

"I figured you would think otherwise." He hummed. "I assumed that you would have told him about it so that he would come and shoot me. I guess not though. I was worrying for nothing."

"He wouldn't do anything about it." My words felt like they were sagging with a lie, and I started to think about what had happened with Mello earlier. It confused me, but I tried not to dwell on it too much.

"It's not that I'm complaining about your thinking, but we both know that's not completely true." He said as he got to his feet and put the cigarette out before tossing it away. "I think it's better this way."

"Can you actually tell me why you don't want him to know?" I asked again, like every time. I knew that I wasn't going to tell him, but Lance had said before that he wanted Mello to know, and it had been weeks.

"I guess there's no harm in telling you since you are apart of this." He said, his amber eyes seemed to soften when they caught my own blue ones. "I want to keep you to myself for as long as I can, because once Mello finds out he is going to do his best to keep you away from me."

"Is that even a good enough reason for doing this?" I asked honestly. Why would anyone want me? Why would he? WHY!

I almost missed his answer during my miniature mental breakdown. If I could've I would have stopped this before it came to this. But I couldn't do that. I had to deal with things now. My eyes refocused on him again as he was speaking.

"Yes. It is." He said as he walked closer to me before swooping down and depositing a small, gentle kiss on my lips. I had gotten used to his mood swings, and it was easy to predict them on some occasions. "You're special, Matt. You deserve better than what you have."

I didn't reply, just situated myself so that I was in a sitting position. He wasn't better than what I had. He wasn't my friend, he was just a master controlling the strings. He might act more, but he wasn't all high and mighty like he seemed.

"Matt, you're going to break, and when you do, I'll be here to pick up the pieces." He said, and the words sent chills up my spine. I knew he meant them, and I knew that he was crazy. I had known this for weeks, but now I was even more positive when I thought about how he was the one breaking me.

He wanted me to be his, and I didn't know why.

"I'm gonna go now." I said instead of trying to find out. If I had wanted to I would have said something last week, or the week before. I couldn't right now. Right now, my mind was melting down almost as fast as an overheated nuclear plant. It always seemed to be right after the sex. I couldn't really call it rape anymore. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't deny it when he tried to fuck me.

"Alright." He said as he caressed my cheek lightly like he seemed to always do. "I'll see you next time, and be good. I'm not going to call tomorrow."

I nodded, not sure if I should believe him or not. I guess it really didn't matter though. I should just be grateful that he wouldn't call, because there was a very slim chance that he would lie about that. He actually seemed to care about me – apart from the whole ordering me to have sex with him and threatening Mello to make me do it.

I got to my feet and pulled my boots on, not even caring about things that I should be caring about – like where my socks went for instance. Yet again, it didn't really matter because I would get them back next time. After I made sure that I had everything that I needed I made my way out the door. I was unsteady every time that I left the house, but I had made sure that I made it so that it looked like I was steady, and it really didn't matter once I got to my car.

Even though I didn't believe in God I was thanking him right now that my jeans were darker. If it wasn't for that the blood would probably show up and flaunt itself.

It was later than normal, and this time I _knew_ that Mello would be home, and he would be waiting for me so that he could get answers out of me. I was still confused over his behavior earlier, but I didn't see a point in thinking about it right now, even though my mind seemed to want to think about it. _Why would he be worried about me? _I thought and I shook my head.

Stupid mind.

When I walked into the room I was both surprised and relieved to see no blonde throwing questions at me. I knew he had to be home – he basically said he would make sure that he was home early – and that made me a little more wary as I took my boots off and walked farther into the apartment. What I saw surprised me.

Mello, the ever tense mafia boss, was asleep on the couch.

He was still wearing his leather, and he was still wearing his boots. It made me wonder if he had just fallen asleep watching television. That had to have been what happened because when I looked at the screen of said object I saw the movie playing. It was _The Outsiders_. It was a good movie, and I vaguely recall watching it once before with the blonde when we were younger.

The part it was at was one of my least favorite parts, but one of the most touching in my mind.

It was there part where Johnny had just killed one of the Soc's after they tried drowning Ponyboy, and the former of the pair was currently having a mental breakdown.

Somehow, the part seemed to remind me even more about my situation. I don't know why, it just did.

"Mail..." I turned around at the sound of the voice. I would know Mello's voice anywhere, and I had originally thought that he was asleep. My thoughts and eyes hadn't deceived me, because Mello was still asleep. I walked a little closer to him and looked down at his beautiful face. It seemed to go from calm one minute to twisted with emotion the next.

"Mail... Please don't leave me..." He muttered, and I watched the words come out from those perfect lips. I was standing more, and that was making my back hurt more, but I needed to know what was going on in Mello's head, and I wanted to look at him longer. It was hard to catch him when he wasn't tense with a gun in his hand.

"Mail... Just tell me what's going on... Tell me what I can do to help... To make you stay with me... The _real_ you... Please... I need you..."

The words that were spilling from his lips were making me feel that fluttering in my chest again, and it twinge with guilt and worry. Clearly he actually worried about me more than I thought he did. _Wait... Worried? _I thought. I had thought Mello didn't care about anything, and I guess I had assumed wrong. The way he was talking now, and the way that his face twisted with emotion was...

…... Was completely different, and it gave me a deeper glimpse of him. One that I had thought died along time ago when he had left the orphanage. I didn't ever think that I would see this side of him again, even if he was acting subconsciously. _I guess he needs me just as much as I need him. At least, that's what it sounds like._ But that thought couldn't be right...

…..could it?

"Don't leave me... Please..." I looked at him more closely when I bent down, hurting all the while. I wasn't going to wake him up, for fear that he would snap out of the trance he had been in and yell at me. Besides, he needed his sleep. I gently placed a bare hand on his shoulder, careful not to wake him, and when I spoke, it was so soft and gentle that I didn't even recognize it.

"Don't worry, Miheal. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." I murmured, even though that promise might turn out to be a lie in the future. I wasn't planning on leaving him of my own accord. I would have to be forced away from him because I loved him so much, or he would have to be the one to tell me to leave, and I knew that wouldn't ever happen.

My words seemed to calm him down to some extent for his face converted to one of smooth calmness, and I let out a small sigh of relief. I hadn't woken him up by the touch, or my words, and they also seemed to help him to some extent. If only I knew what was going on in his head... Maybe I could help him a little more.

I closed my eyes, wincing, as I stood up and straightened my back. It was starting to get really sore again. I gave Mello one last look before tearing my gaze away and walking out of the room. I couldn't turn the television off because I knew that it would wake him up. I made my way into the bathroom to get some painkillers before heading into the bedroom.

Once I had stripped myself of everything but my boxers I examined the new bruises that had already started forming. I gave a regretful sigh, and then after telling myself - yet again – why I put myself through this, I changed into the loose pants and loose long-sleeved shirt. Once I had crawled into bed, and snuggled up under the covers, I tried to rid my thoughts.

That really didn't work, because all I could think about was Mello. About how he looked, and how he sounded. His words kept echoing in my ears.

He was the last thing that I thought about when I actually fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Part III has 4441 words.<strong>


	4. Part IV

"Matt." A gentle hand prodded me awake, and when I opened my eyes I immediately saw ice-blue. It wasn't that I didn't like the sight – I knew immediately who it was – because I did like it, but when it's the first thing I see when I open my eyes it somewhat startled me. "Matt, wake up. We have somewhere to be."

"What?" My words were slurred slightly with sleep. I heard a sigh come from the older male, and he didn't sound too pleased even if his voice was still strangely gentle.

"We have to go somewhere. Now get up."

"It's too early." I muttered and tried to turn away, but I couldn't. Well, I could, but then I would end up on the floor because of his position on the bed.

"No. It's not. It's past 1 o' clock already. It's time to get up." _Past 1 o' clock? How? I never sleep that late! Never!_

"Bu-"

"Matt." His voice was stern, and his eyes hard again. I could still see the other emotion in his eyes. Now that I knew what I was looking for I could see it as clear as day. "We have somewhere to be in about an hours time. Let's go."

"Fine." I groaned. I wasn't in the mood to do the whole arguing routine with him. I was tired, considering the fact that I have been known for my insomniac tendencies and how late it was, was somewhat of a miracle. I could have been in an even worse mood, and I really would rather not be in one worse than I already was.

When I didn't start changing immediately Mello gave a loud sigh. He should've known that I wasn't going to change in front of him, as I hadn't been for weeks. Actually, I hadn't been doing things that I normally did that actually annoyed him, and that seemed to annoy him more than his original annoyance.

When he had left the room, and I was sure that he wasn't going to come back in, I changed. I looked at my arms again after I had put on a pair of loose jeans. The bruises had been barely noticeable now joined the other deep purple and yellow colors that stained my arms. I gave a sigh and forced myself into my shirt and vest before it actually hit me. _He had said "we" for a reason. _I thought as I walked out of the room to see Mello lounging on the couch.

The television was off, and it wasn't night time, but that didn't stop me from thinking about the night before. About how it seemed almost peaceful as he laid on the couch, stretched out and sleeping. I shook the thoughts from my mind, because it was less than peaceful yesterday. It was less than peaceful in life.

Mainly, our life. Nothing seemed to go right. At all. If our life was peaceful for even a moment, I would consider it as a calm before a storm.

"Are you ready to go yet?" Mello asked when he surveyed me. I didn't see why he had to because I always wore the same thing. I was wearing my goggles around my neck, and I didn't even remember putting them there, but I pushed them up so that they were covering my eyes.

"Yeah, but why are _we_ going, and where?" There was a time - a very short while ago - that I wouldn't have asked the questions. When I wouldn't question the blonde. Not anymore. I was too paranoid. Possibly even more than Mello at this point in time.

I might love him, I might trust him with my life, but right now, I don't think I could do the latter. I wanted to, but I don't think that I could.

"What has been with you lately?" The other male said harshly and he stomped over until he stood right in front of me. "You didn't answer my questions yesterday, and the only reason was because of the fact that I had to leave. Now, I want to know what the hell is going on."

"Don't we have somewhere to be?" I asked, trying to stay out of the subject. It was a completely legitimate reason for not getting into this again.

"We will leave when I say we leave." His eyes were back to being a hard, emotionless ice blue. I didn't even bother to try and read his eyes, and I would have to look even harder since I was wearing my orange goggles. "Tell me now!"

"There is nothing to tell."

"Stop lying to me, and just tell me what's going on!"

"Nothing's going on." I insisted. "Now, I think that we should get going so we aren't late."

"Matt." He growled out. "Stop using that as an excuse, we will have plenty of time. Now tell me before I have to beat it out of you." I mentally flinched at the words, and I made sure that he wouldn't see it. Yeah, I was too paranoid if I thought that he would see things that were in my mind.

"Nothi-"

"Stop! Just stop feeding my that shit! There is something wrong! I know you and this isn't it! Just tell me what is going on!" He yelled.

"I can't because there is nothing-" I broke off when I felt the stinging in my cheek and I held my hand to it, mentally cursing. That hurt terribly.

"Stop it, Matt. Stop lying, and just tell me." Now, that was more like the calm before a storm that I knew was coming. My cheek was still stinging and I couldn't do anything about it. If I were to try and hit Mello back, he would just hit me again – even harder the next time. I felt my eyes start to water but I fought them back.

"NO! JUST STOP IT!" I screamed at him, and I knew that it took him by surprise. I had finally had enough. "You wouldn't understand _ANY _of it!"

"Ma-" He was cut off by a ringing, and I just glared at him as he scowled at the phone that was now in his hand. He had no choice but to answer it though. I inwardly seethed and I was cursing myself. Now, once we got back from wherever we were going, he was certainly going to question me even more about it. This time, I knew that he wasn't going to take no as an answer.

"Come on, Matt." Mello growled as he snapped his phone closed and stuffed it into his jacket pocket. I hadn't even bothered listening to the conversation between him and the other person, and I would have only ben able to hear Mello anyway. "We need to go, but this isn't over."

"You said something around the same lines yesterday." I said quietly. My anger had already drained, and I was strangely tired again. I could just see that me and the bed were going to become even closer friends than we already were.

"I guess I did." He said grudgingly before he looked at me even more sternly. "Once we get to the location, stay close to me."

"Where are we even going?"

"To meet with a rival mafia boss." He answered evenly.

"Why am I needed then?" I asked, and something was telling me that I wasn't going to like this expedition. Not like I liked any of my own outside anyways. I never liked them, but I could deal with them. Now it was more like I had a very strong dislike for the small journeys into the real world.

I just wanted to stay inside, and hide. Away from everything and everyone. If that happened, I would be happy, and it would make me even happier if Mello would choose to stay with me. _Stop dreaming, Matt._ I told myself sharply.

"He has requested that both of our best hackers were present. I agreed, and since you are my best hacker, you're coming with me. Now, come on. We're taking my bike."

* * *

><p>"You can let go now." I heard the amused voice, and I slowly unwound my arms from around the blonde's waist. He drove like a madman, and I honestly thought that we were going to crash multiple times, and I thought that I was going to fall off. I got off and I avoided looking at his smirking face.<p>

"How many others are going to be here?" I asked as I looked around. For once, it was good to be outside and not having to go see Lance. It was more of a relief than anything that I wasn't going to be near him, and that I had Mello near me. I felt safe with the blonde, even though he hurt me in more ways than one sometimes.

Speaking of which, my cheek finally stopped hurting from the hit. He had real power in his blows when he wanted them to.

"Well, considering that this is his hideout, I am guessing a fair amount." He replied as he walked beside me as we headed slowly into the building.

"I thought that you said it was just going to be the hackers and the boss's." I murmured.

"In the meeting. I'm not letting Lance know where my hideout is. That wouldn't help a thing – only harm it and- Hey, what's wrong?" I had stopped frozen at the name. It couldn't be. It couldn't be the same Lance. It had to be a completely different person with the same name, and that had the same occupation. Whatever it was, it _couldn't_ be him.

It just _couldn't_.

"Oh, nothing." I muttered, almost as if I always did that. "I just realized that there is an even bigger chance of me getting shot here." It was a little white lie. I knew there was a good chance that I _wouldn't_ get shot, but there was still a chance.

"You won't get shot." Mello said with such a conviction that I just had to look at him, to see that he was looking at me. "I won't let them lay a hand on you."

_If only you knew, Mello._

"Alright." I said. I should've said something else, but what could I have said? We were currently walking past different groups of men that I found myself intimidated by. They all had this aura around them, and I didn't want to say that much in front of them. I didn't need to be seen as weak, even though I was just that.

"You!" Mello shouted and pointed at one of the men. When the dirty blonde turned around he looked younger than a person should be in this place. He looked to be younger than we did. That didn't stop Mello, though I knew he noticed it. "Take us to Lance."

"I assume that you would be Mello then? And his hacker?" He asked when he made his way over to us.

"You should know this." Mello snapped. "Take us to him."

"Whatever you say, my lord." He said the words in a mocking tone, but led us to where we wanted to go anyway. After heading down a few different corridors we stopped at a door. It was the only door in the hall, and the younger teen walked in without so much as a glance to make sure we were following or a knock to make sure it was alright to come in.

"Lance, they're here." The male said and nodded towards the darker haired man on the other side of the room. My eyes widened behind my goggles. _I knew it..._

I knew it before he spoke, and before I saw him. Just because I saw his eyes. Those were all I needed to see, and all I had been doing before hand was trying to deny the fact that it was my tormentor that we were here to see. When he stepped out of the shadows he gave a nod to the both of us, and the younger boy.

"Thank you, Skyler. You can go now. You know your mission."

"Yes, sir." The boy now known as Skyler nodded and made his way out of the room again. He made sure to close the door behind him, and that's when I looked around. There wasn't much furniture, and what there was was mostly just technology. There was another man sitting there – a brunette. The only other thing that I noticed out of the corner of my eye was a chair, which Lance had just sat in.

"What the hell do you want, Lance?" Mello snarled. I could already sense his hatred for the raven, and I could connect to it. I was sure that my hatred for him was probably worse though. I was positive that whatever he had done to piss Mello off was tame compared to what he had been doing to me the past couple weeks – what he was still doing to me.

"To talk." The raven haired male said simply. "We have to set our boundaries."

"Do you even have any?" The irritated blonde questioned and I agreed with him. I doubted that he had any boundaries – any at all. If he did, it would be nothing short of a miracle. He at least didn't have them in his world, maybe in the real world, but not his.

"You would me, Mello." He scoffed. "Anyway, I see you brought your hacker, but I have to say that I haven't seen him before near you."

"That's a good thing." My friend growled at the same time as Lance shot me another look with a smirk to go with it.

"I guess so." He sighed and then pointed at the brunette in the chair surrounded by the computer screens. "That's M.C. He's my best hacker and goes where I go. Who's yours?"

"This is Matt." Mello said as he gestured to me. He was still frowning all the same and I doubted that that was going to change anytime soon.

"Oh. Wonderful. You have your own personal floor mat."

"Don't s-" He was cut off before he could even start to yell.

"Don't be stupid, Mello. We all know how you act. The only real irony in this is that his name is Matt." I wasn't sure what was going through Mello's head, but I did notice his hand clench into a fist but nothing more happened.

"If you wanted to talk about this why did you want our hackers to be here? There is no damn point."

"Oh, that's what you think." The amber eyed devil said as he stood up out of his chair. "There is a good reason for it. It shows how much things have changed."

"Things change all the time, and it has no reason to be brought up in this conversation! Just get started and then we will be on our way."

"How many times will I have to say it? There _is _a reason to them being here. We need witness's as we make the deal. Your mafia should automatically believe your hacker if they don't believe you, right?"

Mello stayed silent. He didn't like talking unless he was using his gun as a mouth. That, and I knew he wanted to shoot Lance and be done with it, but that would break some honor and pride that I knew the blonde 19 year old would give up.

"Unless they don't know about him...?" The smirk on his face seemed to grow while Mello's face seemed to stay the same.

"Just tell me what you want to discuss and let us be on our way. I don't want to listen to your pointless talking."

"Fine." Lance said dismissively. It seemed as though he was only pressing the blondes buttons. "I have a proposal before we start the real stuff."

"What is it?" ….And he had to test his boundaries even though he was the one who said he wanted to discuss them. He might act like a genius some times, but I was almost sure that he was a dumb ass.

"Give me your hacker, and I will make sure that none of my men even step an inch past your borders, and you can have the money that you want from us. Maybe even more men." I sucked in my breath quickly. I didn't think that he would do that.

"Mello?" My voice was so quiet when I voiced the question, but I knew that he heard it. It was so quiet in the room that you could hear a fly breathe. Not even kidding. It was that quiet. Even that M.C guy seemed to have stopped typing to watch how things played out. I was sure that if it was possible at this point, I would have turned even paler.

"Why would you want Matt? You have your own god damn hacker." Mello's voice shook with anger. It was almost as if Lance had crossed an unspoken boundary – he could have for all I knew! Well, with me he did. I would voice it, but I don't think I could.

"True, but M.C does so much already. Really we need another skilled hacker like him, and it's clear that Matt must be skilled if you've kept him."

"He's not a pet!"

"Surprisingly." His amber eyes flashed. "Knowing you, I thought he would be. Now, what's your answer?"

"You can't have him!" Mello snapped. "He's mine!"

"I beg to differ." The smirk suddenly turned more evil, and it was one that I had seen on a select few occasions. None of which I wanted them shown, and no matter how happy I was that Mello wasn't just going to give me away, I didn't like the sound of what was to come. "I believe that he's mine."

"What are you talking about? He's never been here before! Hell! This is his first time seeing you or hearing about you! He's my hacker and that's the way it's going to stay." The conviction in his voice made something in my chest tighten, and I released the breath that I was holding. _I need to calm down. _I told myself. _Everything is going to be fine. Mello won't let anything happen to me, right? _I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them.

"I guess I won't change your mind, but I can see why." The older man sighed. "It's hard to find skilled hackers, and ones with such deep blue eyes." I wanted to take a step closer to Mello, but when I saw him tense up I knew it was a bad idea. It looked like everything wasn't going to be okay, like I knew it wouldn't be.

"What did you say?" The stiff tone in his voice suggested that Lance needed to shut his mouth or risk getting shot, but he didn't seem to care.

"Hmm? It's hard to find ones with such deep blue eyes."

"How do you know what color his eyes are?" I was sure that Mello would have took a step closer to the other but I was sure that he knew the raven probably had a gun on him, same with the brunette a little ways away.

"He told me once, and I've seen them."

"Wha-!" He turned his body so that he could look at me out of the corner of his eye and keep an eye on the other male at the same time.

"I told you that he was mine, didn't I?"

"Only because you are a conceited prick that thinks he should get everything." Mello growled out. "I don't care what you have to say, we're going. I'm not listening to your shit anymore. Come on, Matt." He turned his body completely so that he was facing my direction and he took a step before he froze.

"You know, I'm sure that Matt is getting sick of getting treated like a dog. You said that he wasn't a pet, but you treat him as such. So, why not leave him here? He'll be treated like an actual person."

"You have no fucking idea what you are getting yourself into." Mello's voice was like cold venom when the words were spoken. I could almost see the words dripping from his lips.

"Oh really? Let's ask Matt if he thinks that I know what I'm getting into." Both ice blue and amber eyes turned to me and I looked away slightly.

"What does Matt know? He doesn't know you or anything!" Mello snapped as he looked at the mafia boss.

"I wouldn't say that." Lance said evenly. "I've fucked him enough that he should know something about me." I was frozen at those words. I knew that he had been planning to tell Mello or do something, but I didn't want to hear it. I knew that it was the truth, but, for once, I didn't want to deal with the truth.

"What?" Mello sounded stunned and he was standing as rigid as ever. It was almost like the air got knocked out of him, but nothing had happened to cause it.

"You heard me, didn't you? I didn't think you were deaf."

"Don't say shit like that. It's not funny."

"Good thing that I'm being serious then. If you don't believe me why don't you ask Matt? I'm sure that he'll freely tell you the truth, and we both know that you will believe him."

"Matt, is it true?" He asked harshly and looked at me. I quickly avoided his eyes, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to see my eyes, I didn't need him seeing my face, but I knew he got the message. He got everything that he needed to know just from my body language. "Oh Lord.." I heard him mutter almost silently.

"Honestly, Mello." Lance said, shaking his head. He was acting calm, like he normally did. "Where did you think he was going? Spending all his time? He rarely left the house, and then he starts to leave almost frequently? You didn't even try to find out what was going on with him until yesterday!"

"How do you know what's been happening there?" I asked quietly, meaning the apartment when I said 'there'. The words were drowned out by Mello's own voice though.

"Why the hell would you do that!" I honestly didn't think he had even heard all of what Lance had said. Both of his hands were bawled up into fists at his sides, and I was sure that even with the gloves on he could feel his own nails. Even though the blondes voice was loud, Lance had heard mine and was answering it.

"I told you before, Matt. I've been keeping an eye, and even when I haven't been, M.C has." The brunette gave a small wave. "How else do you think I could keep up with what you guys did. How do you even think I got your number?"

"I know that it wasn't you who did it." I muttered.

"Yeah, that was M.C again. He's one of the best there is – apart from you. He's not a good fuck like you are either."

"Shut the hell up!" Mello yelled and I looked at him. He was standing so that he could keep an eye on the both of us again, and I could see that insane, angry, crazed look in his eyes. "So you're the reason that he's been acting this way lately." Again, his voice was like the calm before a storm.

I knew that Mello was smart enough to know that I wouldn't have willingly let the man have sex with me. Though, I doubt that he would have realized that I stopped fighting him, or why I chose to do this in the first place. _He's going to hate me now..._ I thought with despair. I watched as Lance just shrugged at the comment.

"He just didn't appreciate good sex when it was given to him freely." Was all he said. Those words seemed to enrage the blonde farther.

"It's not good sex if he didn't want it!"

"Oh, but he _did_ want it. He got aroused by it, an-"

"It's an involuntary reaction to get turned on when getting raped!" Mello yelled over him, but he continued.

"-d he didn't fight back. He enjoyed it, and wanted it."

"Of course he would fight back, you bastard! You fucking raped him!"

"It's not rape, if he liked it, and he didn't fight back."

"You're a filthy liar!"

"For the past two weeks he hasn't fought back, what makes you say differently?" Lance challenged. At this, Mello was at a lose, but that didn't stop him from interrupting my train of thought. About how I was useless and weak and shouldn't be here.

"Matt, why didn't you tell me what he was doing to you?" His voice was cold but I caught the small tone of sadness in his voice. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"I couldn't." I muttered. No matter how many times that I wanted to tell him.

"Yes -"

"No. He couldn't." Lance said as he started to wander around the room. "You're not stupid. Matt cares about you more than himself, so peace the facts together."

"You told him that you would harm me." Mello said. His tone was getting icier and icier at every second.

"Yes, but it wasn't a complete lie. I had been watching you both for a while, and I could have easily snuck in and killed you."

"Why didn't you? Why didn't you just sneak in and kill me if that's what you wanted? Matt had nothing to do with this."

"But that's a lie. He has everything to do with you. I was originally just going to watch you, learn your routine, and then kill you, but things changed when I saw that you had a little friend." Lance was smirking again. "He had everything to do with it for living with you."

"You bastard."

"What a coincidence; that's one of the first things that he said to me on our first night together."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Only a couple of weeks. Mello, whether you like it or not, he's mine." Lance said the words with a slight purr in them as he stopped behind me.

"No, he's not. He doesn't belong to anyone, you fucker!" Mello snarled. I couldn't see the look on the ravens face, but I could see Mello's and it was twisted into a look of pure rage mixed with another emotion – the rage stood out more than the unknown.

"Well, I will admit that I am a fucker, but I have to say that you do want him to belong to you. Sadly he doesn't, because this mark," He grabbed onto me and made it so that my head was jerked back so that they could all have a look at my collarbone. The dark mark there was shone to the three occupants of the room, "Clearly states that he is mine."

"DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

"Why? He's not yours. I can do what I want with _my _Matt." He rested his head on my shoulder and I had to turn my head to the side so I would have a lesser chance of looking at his facial features. I knew them too well already, and I didn't want to see them anymore.

"Why did you do this?" I noticed his hand slip into his pocket almost casually and I knew that that was where his gun lay in wait – most likely with the safety off.

"I needed something that you didn't have." They were talking about me as if I wasn't even there, and even though I was, my mind wasn't. I was too busy thinking on how things had ended up like this. I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"He's not yours."

"Yeah, he is."

"I hope that when you get to Hell, the devil tortures you himself."

"I know that we are both going there, and I am sure that our tickets are only one way."

"At least I'm not a rapist." I watched as he whipped out his gun.

_BANG! BANG!_

I was right about the safety being off, because when I let my eyes glance in the direction that Mello had shot in, I saw the brunette that had been sitting there calmly holding his arm in pain as blood flowed out of it. His arm had two bullet wounds in it, and I knew that Mello hadn't meant to kill him. Mello never misses. The blonde turned back toward the raven and I. The icy gaze would have unnerved any normal person.

I guess that makes sense because Lance didn't even move.

"You wouldn't shoot me." Said man stated. That was a lie. Mello would shoot him if he could. He just shot a guy who hadn't done anything, so I was sure that he was pissed off enough.

"You willing to bet? Any last words." He said the last line sarcastically, but Lance answered anyway.

"Actually, I do. Also, don't shoot Matt."

"I would never shoot him, and spit it out." He growled as he pointed the gun in our direction. I knew that Mello never missed a shot, but it still made me nervous. I had Lance's arms around me, and there was a gun pointed in my direction.

"Alright." Lance sighed. "Он был так плотно, когда я трахал его в первый раз. Мне посчастливилось быть первым, чтобы получить его." (He was so tight when I fucked him the first time. I was lucky to be the first to get him. )

At that Mello's eyes seemed to widen even more and he seemed to snarl in rage as he pulled the trigger. He shot twice and both bullets hit him in the head, instantly killing him and forcing him to fall back, sadly that also meant he took my with him when his lifeless body fell to the ground. When we finally hit the ground I struggled out of his limp grip and then stood there, just staring at the dead body.

I had no idea what his final words were, because out of all the languages I knew, I didn't know Russian. It had obviously pushed Mello farther into his hatred for the once living raven, and odds are I probably wouldn't have liked it even if I had known.

Lance was dead. This was over. I wasn't going to have to deal with this anymore. No longer. _Thank you._ I said to any deity that was watching over me enough to know that I needed help.

"...and you will make sure to not bother us again. Or else you know what will happen." I was snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of the blondes growling voice. I pulled my goggles down so that they hung around my neck and then I looked towards the older teen. He was currently telling M.C what was acceptable and what wasn't. The brunette was nodding but his teeth were clenched in pain.

"Mello." I croaked and he immediately looked up.

"Good, and you better remember this day." He growled once more before walked over to me and pulled me to my feet. As we headed out the door, Mello letting me lean on him, I heard the blonde whisper something. "I'm so sorry, Matt."

* * *

><p><strong>Part IV has 5438 words in it.<strong>

**Он был так плотно, когда я трахал его в первый раз. Мне посчастливилось быть первым, чтобы получить его. =_ He was so tight when I fucked him the first time. I was lucky to be the first to get him.  
><em>In Russian. Or close to it at least. I'm not fluent so I used Google Translate. oUo  
><strong>


	5. Part V

When we got back to the apartment I took my boots off and then immediately collapsed onto the couch. I didn't really care about what was going on. My thoughts were just a jumbled mess at the moment. I might have been a genius, but that didn't mean I wanted to think straight, or could, at the moment. I barely even remembered taking my goggles off and throwing them on the table.

"Mail." I looked away from those blue eyes when he knelt next to the couch. I hadn't been looking forward to this. He was going to yell at me. I just knew it. What else would he be doing? "Mail, I'm so sorry." My eyes widened and when I looked at him I could see tears started to slowly make their way down his face.

"Me-"

"I'm so fucking sorry! I should have notice sooner, should have seen what was going on!" He hit his fist against the couch harshly.

"It's not your fault, Mello. It was mine, all mine." I said, and it was true.

"No it wasn't! Don't you see, Matt? That bastard did that to you because of me! It wasn't your fault! If only I ha- God! I'm so sorry!" The way he cried out made me lurch at him and wrap my arms around his neck. I felt his arms wrap around me and hold on tightly. I had never seen Mello like this, not counting when we were kids.

"It wasn't your fault! You say that it was, but I was too naïve to see that he wasn't who he seemed when I first met him! It's all my fault!" Honestly, this seemed like it was a part in a movie, but it wasn't. It was really happening, and I didn't understand it. Neither did I see why Mello was blaming himself for what was clearly my fault.

That's when he pulled away from me suddenly and I saw him rub at his eyes angrily. I watched as he gripped his hair, and even as he tried to rub the tears away they just kept coming. I could see them through my own eyes that were starting to water. This time, it wasn't from a physical blow, but from many mental ones.

"You don't understand! I was the one who called you to come here! To come live with me, and I knew that you would be in danger, but I never thought that it would be Lance to do it! I knew that you would be in danger and I didn't care! I love you and yet I put you in danger! I just couldn't stop myself from calling you for help and _this_ is what happens! I'm so so stupid and I am so sor-"

"You love me?" I was looking at him as though he was crazy, and in all honesty if he was sane then I would worry. That's what I got out of his ranting apology. I didn't think I could quite believe it. He seemed to have just realized that he said that, and he was now just standing there, and his hands had fallen back to his sides.

"Yeah. I do. I always have." He said softly. "I loved you too much and I called you because I was sick of missing you, and not just that I needed your help. I put you in danger for a selfish reason. I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything." I said. "I knew that I was going to be in danger by helping you, and I agreed to do it. Why do you think I did that?"

"You being the best friend that you always were, and being that little puppy that followed me around." Mello stated. The effect of the conviction would have been better if there weren't tear trails on his cheeks with the occasional stray tear traveling down them.

"I guess that was some of the reason. I was always your best friend, and I would follow you out of habit, but mainly it was because I loved you too." He looked just as surprised as I felt, but that didn't matter at the moment.

"I never would have thought that you of all people would love me." Mello said quietly.

"If it wasn't me then who?"

"I don't know." He said with a small smile, but then it was lost when his face turned seriously. "DAMMIT!" He swore. "I should have tried to find out what was going on with you sooner!"

"Miheal!" I cried. "It's not your fault! Why can't you let it go?"

"I can't! I could have done something sooner if you would have just told me what was going on!" He yelled. "I honestly would have thought that out of the pair of us I would be the one to lose my virginity first, not you! Look how that turned out! I could've stopped this!" He flopped down on the couch next to me. "I could have stopped this if only you would have told me!"

"I couldn't..." I whispered. "Besides, I knew that you would be mad at me." He did sound mad at me. After everything that happened already, I didn't need to deal with him being mad at me. Not when he had just told me that he loved me...

For two people who just confessed their love for each other we weren't acting on it that much. Not like I expected it anyhow...

"I'm not mad at you." He said and looked at me. His tone of voice said 'are-you-fucking-crazy?' "The only person I am mad at is myself for not trying to do _something _about it. That, and the corpse of that son of a bitch but I don't count it as a person at the moment."

"You couldn't have done anything..." I trailed off at the look he gave me.

"Don't lie. We both know that I could have."

"Bu-" I was cut off by a pair of lips pressed up against my own. It was mostly just a chaste kiss but I could practically feel sparks and my eyes fluttered shut. When he pulled back he gave me a small smile.

"Mail, just shut up. You're not going to change my mind on this." I opened my mouth to argue again, but I couldn't.

Not with a tongue down my throat, which was the one thing that Mello decided to pull last minute. I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. He deepened the kiss almost immediately, and I found myself rubbing my tongue along his as it fought with his. Without even thinking of it I moved my body so that I was straddling his lap as we continued the make-out session.

"I wasn't kidding when I said that I loved you." He muttered breathlessly when we broke apart.

"Neither was I." I panted and started the kiss up again. I could already feel Mello's growing problem when I moved so that I could press closer to him, and I knew that I was already starting to get hard. I felt him rock himself up against me so that his groin rubbed up against mine, and the friction alighted moans from the both of us.

It wasn't that I was in dire need of sex since I had been having sex for the past few weeks almost non-stop anyway – consensual or not. Mello, on the other hand, had clearly stated in his ranting that he was still a virgin so I didn't really think that he needed it either. When we broke off again for air he looked deep into my eyes, and, almost like we were on the same wavelength, he spoke.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, I am. It's hardly like it's my first time." What? Just because I said we didn't need it didn't mean that we didn't want it.

"That's exactly why I needed to be sure." He said quietly.

"Don't think about it." I said and kissed him again, willing him not to. I didn't want to think about it. This time it was with the one person I loved, and thought that he would never love me back. I didn't want to think about what happened recently. I needed to forget.

We both did.

"Let's continue this in the bedroom then." Mello muttered when he broke the kiss. I nodded, and before I could even think to get up he was standing and was holding me bridal-style. I was too surprised to complain, that and he was warm. I also always wanted to be held in Mello's arms – even if it was like this.

I closed my eyes for a couple moments and before I knew it we were in the bedroom and I was set down on the bed. I watched as the blonde rid himself of his leather jacket ans vest before tossing them off to the side. His boots were soon to follow. I took in how his milky chest seemed to go together perfectly with his blonde hair and blue eyes. He could look like the best of angels, but act like the worst of demons.

He smirked at me when he caught me staring and I felt the heat rush to my cheeks. Normally that probably wouldn't have bothered me, but when there was a half-naked, sexy blonde in front of me of course it would bother me. His eyes held that same unknown emotion that I had kept seeing and that's when I realized it was either lust, love, or maybe even a mix of both of them.

I gave a nervous smile before ridding myself of my gloves and and vest. They joined the other randomly strewn items on the floor, and when I looked back at Mello I found myself nervous to strip in front of him. More nervous than I should have been. I didn't want him to see the bruises that covered my body, but...

….I did want this.

"Mail, are you alright?" Mello asked, worry lacing his tone. Apparently he was going to be open about it now. I didn't mind. It made me feel better to know that he was worried about me, and that I wasn't just some mindless baggage to him. Or a plaything to him.

"Yeah, I am. Just thinking over some things." I said before starting to lift my shirt off.

"You know, we don't have to do this if you don't want to." Mello said with a sigh. "We can do it- Oh my God." He had seen the bruises that littered my arms and torso.

"I want to make love to you, Miheal. I just figured that these things would bother you." I shrugged, as if it wouldn't bother me if he actually agreed and said that he changed his mind. That he wouldn't love me because I was filthy – had been touched by someone else. The rational part of my mind told me that would never happen, but I wasn't sure at the moment.

"Don't be silly. They only bother me because I know that I could have prevented them." The blonde stated and he walked over to me before straddling me, and I had to keep myself from wincing when he placed his whole weight onto my hips and groin. If it would have just been my groin I wouldn't have minded, but it was my hips as well – which also happened to be bruised, more so than my arms.

I was sure that he noticed the wince in my eyes though, because he flipped out positions so that I was the one straddling him as he started kissing me. The passion in the kiss was one far greater than any I had had before now, and it felt even better knowing that it was Mello that was deepening the kiss and that he cared for me like I cared for him.

As our tongues fought for dominance, I knew who was going to win even before his beat mine into submission. He used his tongue and invaded my mouth to run his tongue along my own and let it run across my teeth. After minutes of this exploration he let my tongue make its way into his mouth to explore it like he just explored seconds ago.

When we broke apart I flipped myself so that I was laying on the bed next to him, and I heard him let out a whimper in protest. I felt the same way too. I hadn't wanted to move away from his body, but I wanted more skin on skin contact from him. I unzipped and unbuttoned my pants so that I could kick them off, and Mello had gotten the idea because when I glanced at him he was busying himself with undoing the corset of laces that kept his leather pants closed. He managed to slither out of those to find me staring at him, and when he took in my mostly naked self, I saw pain flash in his eyes.

I knew he had seen the bruises that morbidly adorned my legs. They were better than my arms, but not by much, and they were both better than my hips.

I guess there was a plus to not wearing boxers or underwear of any kind. This was the prime example of that, because it left Mello completely naked. He had even gotten rid of his rosary somewhere. I liked the sight, and then liked it even better when I saw his member standing to attention. I gave him a reassuring smile before slipping out of my boxers and carelessly throwing them to the floor.

Before I had even fully turned to face him again his lips were attacking mine with such a fire that I didn't know what started it, but then I came back to my senses and started to kiss him back with as much force as I could. It wasn't as forced as what I was used to, and that was good.

This whole thing was different than what I was used to, and I cherished that.

"Mail," Mello gasped when we had broke apart again. Our bodies were already drenched in sweat, and we hadn't even started anything yet, "I want you to prepare me now. As much or as little as you want."

"What?" I panted in surprise. I thought for sure that I was going to be on the receiving end this time as well. I don't think that I could see Mello submitting to anyway, let alone me of all people...

"I'm serious, Mail. I'm not going to hurt you when we do this, so you're the dominate one." Mello said seriously.

"But, Mihe-"

"No. I _want_ you to dominate me. Fuck me, Mail. I want you to."

"A-Alright." I stuttered. I figured that it was just Mello not wanting to hurt me, and that was probably still true. I knew what to do, but I really wasn't used to it. Well, of course not! I thought for a minute before holding up three fingers so that he could suck on them.

He did so. Greedily. He was sucking almost as though his life depended on it, and he just kept circling his tongue around my fingers to coat them thickly in saliva. Once I was sure that they were wet enough – thought anyway, as I didn't really know how much, so I guesstimated - I took them from his moist cavern and I nervously brought them lower so that they were placed near his entrance.

He spread his legs farther apart so that I could have better access. I used one of my fingers to circle his hole a few times before slowly pushing it into him. I heard him draw in a sharp breath, but I knew that it was because of the new, uncomfortable feeling rather than pain. I wanted to make sure that I didn't hurt him even though it would probably hurt after anyway. It couldn't hurt to be too careful though – I didn't think that you could be too careful with this.

I inserted my second digit after a little while and I started to stretch him. I knew that he had a fairly good pain threshold anyway, but he still felt how uncomfortable it was all the same. I saw the look pass through his eyes, and then it was gone just as fast, but I knew that I hadn't imagined it. I continued to stretch him until I thought it would be fine to add the final digit. He squirmed a little as I slowly pushed it in so that it was next to the others as I thrusted and stretched him.

I moved my body forward slightly so that I could land a kiss on his lips and when he let me I deepened the kiss as I continued my search for the blondes prostate. I knew that he was stretched enough, but I wanted to make sure that I knew where his pleasure point was at before I did anything. I must have found it because when my fingers scraped something he arched up and moaned into the kiss.

I broke the kiss so that we could get some much needed air and then I withdrew my fingers, and I smirked at the sound of his whimper of loss. Now was the part I was more nervous about. I knew that the fingers hadn't hurt the blonde, and they wouldn't have been able to, but I knew that I could actually hurt him.

"Are you ready?" I asked as I lined myself up with his entrance despite the nervousness. I had to remind myself that he was probably nervous as well – most likely even more than I was.

"Yeah. Just go for it."

With those words spoken I slowly pushed myself into him and I forced myself to keep my eyes on his face, and I saw a look mixed of pain and pleasure. The pain was what got to me though. I didn't want him to be in pain. I stopped moving to hopefully give him time to adjust but he just looked at me.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked, his voice shaking.

"I don't want to hurt you." I murmured.

"Move." He said sternly and I obeyed, more out of habit than anything.

I pushed myself all the way into him, and before he could say anything I pulled out and pushed back in. I started to pick up a steady rhythm, and it was alighting small moans from the blonde beneath me. That was until I hit his prostate of course. That was when he arched his head back and made one of the most beautiful sounds that I had ever heard.

I met him in another passionate kiss as I started to thrust into him faster than I had before, keeping up the same rhythm, but only faster. My thrusts became stronger and I was surprised that I was even controlling myself at the moment. I hit his prostate with deadly accuracy and we both moaned into each others' mouths.

I had no choice but to break the kiss for a short moment, and in that time I took in the blondes features. His face was flushed and his hair was sticking to his head with sweat. His face was twisted in pleasure and I felt pride flash in me because I was the one making him feel like this. I was also happy that he was actually enjoying his first time.

Somehow, it made things just a little better in my mind.

After a while of the steady rhythm I felt the coil in my abdomen tighten and I knew that I was close. I didn't know about Mello, but I was sure that he was as well. I had lost my nervousness and, with no hesitance, grabbed his weeping member and started to pump it in time with my thrusts.

I kept it up for as long as I could, but then I felt his walls tighten around me as he released his seed all over my hand and our chests. The tightness was too much for me and I soon followed him, not even a second after and we rode out our orgasms together. I collapsed on top of the blonde shortly after I pulled out of him.

I rolled off him so that I was laying next to him and he turned onto his side so that he was facing me. He pulled my into another kiss, this one shorter, and more innocent than the other ones. When he broker the kiss he gazed at me evenly.

"You know you didn't have to prepare me as well as you did. You could have went harder on me."

"Why would I? I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't know.." He sighed. "I-I guess it would have made me feel a little better about certain things." I didn't need to ask what things he meant. I knew what he meant. I doubted that I was going to get it through his head that he couldn't of done a thing, that it wasn't his fault. I just shook my head.

"Even if it would have made you feel better, it would have made me feel bad. I love you too much to hurt you."

"I love you too." Mello gave a small smile and then yawned.

"We should get some sleep." I murmured. I was starting to feel the affects too. Normally it should have been Mello that felt more tired, but it was me. The same way it had been for the past week or so. I was tired – again.

"In a minute." He muttered. "Matt?"

"What?"

"If something like this ever happens again – you tell me straight away. I don't want anything like this to happen again, and I will kill anybody who tries it again."

"Don't worry – I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good." He stated before moving closer to me and biting and sucking at my neck, leaving a bruise on top of the last one that Lance had made. After a couple minutes of doing this he moved back, a smirk on his face. "Now, there's no doubt who you belong to."

"There wasn't any doubt in the first place." I said.

"Let's keep it that way. Now, let's get some sleep." He managed to magically maneuver the sheets so that we were able to get under them without actually standing up. We had snuggled up together underneath the covers and I smiled in contentment. Mello had already fallen asleep, and I would have already followed him, but my thoughts were keeping me awake.

Now that I looked back on my life over the past couple weeks I realized that I hadn't ever thought that I could be this content – this happy. I was proved wrong this day. The love of my life had returned my feelings, and the man that had been making my life a living hell for the past weeks had been taken care of.

Now – hopefully - all the memory of Lance Wolfe would be nothing but a memory. A nightmare that I would wish not to have again.

* * *

><p><strong>Part V has 3987 words!<strong>

**Makes a total 26215 words all together, and in open office it takes up 47 pages! **

**The journey has come to an end~ I hope that you enjoyed it! **

**You didn't get to kill Lance because I made Mello kill him first! **

**And, Gabbi, if you read this, which there is a good chance that you will, I got bored during Spanish, and didn't have a last name for Lance, so I kinda took your last name... ^^' I hope you don't mind. **

**I love you all for reading this! Would you mind reviewing it now? ;D **

**Plus, I pulled a fast one by making it so that Matt was the Seme instead! **

…**...My fascination with guys fucking on couches came into the story a little bit again...**


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